2.05.2015

Life with a Difficult Child.


Baby Madison
 There are many different reasons to not judge other peoples parenting, but most of all everyone has a different experience with their child. I've mentioned it before, but it just keeps coming up in my head, my parenting with each of my children is so polar opposite. Unless you've had a difficult baby then I just don't think you can fully understand how incredibly hard it is on a daily basis. I'm not talking normal baby stuff, like crying or wanting to be held. I'm talking regular meltdowns, not sleeping, and completely chaotic kids.

I pretty much lived in survival mode every single day from the time she was born until she turned 4. Car rides were a nightmare, she screamed, oh this child could scream. I remember pulling over in a bad neighborhood to nurse her because I was about to lose my mind one day. 


She hated to sleep, from the very moment I brought her home. Naps were a nightmare, you had to actually lay down with her and if you had to leave the room you better start praying you can make it out without a peep. After months we broke down and tried to cry it out - she can outlast me that's for sure. I don't think she was sleeping through the night until she was close to a year old.

 
From the moment she could walk, around 10.5 months, she was a daredevil. She was climbing and jumping off furniture every chance she got. I stayed home with her during this time and by the end of the day, God Bless, I was done. I wanted to hurt Oliver for even being 10 minutes late getting home at night.

 
I had a few friends with kids during this time, but no one really understood how crazy life was for me. They all had even keeled children, quit and shy even. I'll be honest, it really made me feel like I was doing it wrong and that maybe I was a terrible Mother. Why was my child unhappy?

Isn't she beautiful?

 Something happened around the time she turned 4, she seemed to finally outgrow whatever was making her nuts. She was so polite and lovable, not that she wasn't lovable before, but it was more noticeable when it wasn't overshadowed by crazy. For as difficult as she was as a baby, she's grown into just as easy a child, with a heart the size of Texas. She smart and hilarious, a genuine joy to be around every day!!


 The month before I gave birth was super stressful for Oliver and I, we fought, a lot. Looking back I think we both just assumed every baby was like Madison and we both had a lot of fear. Well, it's very true that all babies are different, he's a complete opposite, even though the look like twins :) I still thank my lucky stars EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. that he is such an easy going LOVES to sleep baby.


Not that he doesn't have his moments, but I'm a pro and it's nothing I can't handle with ease now. 

This is just a message to all you Mom's out there who have a crazy kid, hang in there. I wish someone would of told me that when I was in the throes of the hard days, maybe I would of had more confidence that I was actually doing an OK job and my kids would turn out fine.

If you are living in survival mode every day, I feel you, but it makes you even better on the other side. Promise. 


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34 comments :

  1. Thank you for this... I was a single mom living with my sister and her family the time I had my son (now 5). I couldn't deal with it, I thought I was a horrible mom. He finally grew out of it too and now here I am pregnant again, due in June, married now and scared to death that I am going to "hate" the difficult newborn and baby stage again just like I did the 1st time around.

    I really needed this post today! Thank you!!

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  2. My first was a breeze. My second? Cried every waking second until she was 6 weeks old why? She was a thumb sucker in utero (we have the pics to prove it) outside the womb she wasn't coordinated enough (or in a tight enough space) to find her thumb, so she cried...constantly. At 6 weeks she found her thumb and turned into a different baby, no more crying and she slept more than 2 hours at a time. But, she also hated to be held. Swaddling was not an option. Even to feed her we had to put her in a car seat or bouncy and hold the bottle. She just hated being held, by anyone. That lasted until probably 4 or 5 months! She is 13 now and besides being my most forgetful child, she is my most well behaved and self-sufficient child.

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  3. This post really touches my heart! You are a good momma and I am so glad you are sharing your experience with other Moms. There may be people out there who will choose to judge you, but there are also so many people who have felt like they were alone in this. You are showing us mothers that we are not alone in our struggles and that it is okay to have them. We do grow from it and it is important to remember that, especially in the middle of it all. xoxo.

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  4. This post is MY 8 month old. Oh my goodness. Mh friends babies are so chill and eat their food nicely and sleep through the night. While mine is up all the time, sleeps at crazy times, spits food at me and screams. SOOO busy. I'm just like I cannot have another one. Nursing him was a nightmare and your post about formula gave me the strength and non mom guilt to know it was okay to switch. Thank you

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  5. Love this post and so true. My son is very opposite from my daughter. You just do what you have to do to survive!

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  6. Bless you for this post!! I understand and agree with every bit!!

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  7. There are no truer words!! Again you impress me with an amazing message!!

    Fawn

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  8. My son screamed the entire three months of my maternity leave. The day before I went back to work...he was a happy little clam. Go figure. He was super-difficult {colic} BUT I would go through it all again because he is an amazing young man at 13. He is the best, so it was worth it.
    This is a wonderful post. You have a beautiful family, thanks for sharing them with us.
    xoxo
    Rachel

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  9. I love this post. And the picture of Madison in her little swim suit is probably the cutest thing I've ever seen. Also, the last picture of your two babies is so sweet. I had a difficult first-born too, and I thank my lucky stars that my next two babies were/are easygoing!

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  10. Did you find that there was a difference in YOUR attitude between 1 & 2. I'm just so anxious all the time with Beckett, even though he is SUCH a great baby. He hardly ever fusses and he sleeps great. But my anxiety seems to ALWAYS be high. I'm terrified to think about baby #2 for fear of doubling the anxiety I already have! I'm wondering if it somehow gets easier, even though it's double the work.

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  11. Just want you to know that I love you and your blog! You keep it so real, and I always love your honest approach to everything! Rock on sister!

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  12. I had a difficult baby as well and he will be my only one. I used to look at other mothers in stores - who had one or two or even three kids and think to myself "they are doing it - why can't I?" I was terribly hard on myself and was so sleep deprived that only AFTER I started getting some sleep did I realize just how bad off I was. It's a very hard thing to not pass judgment on yourself when you can't seem to do the same things as other moms or your kid loses its shit over what is perceived to be a small thing. I sure wish I had known all of this back then. :)

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  13. Preach. Preach.! My first, who is now 6, was such an easy baby. We took to parenting like ducks to water & I just loved every moment. I wondered why people didn't have dozens of kids, if parenting & kids was like that?! She's still, at 6, such an easy kid. She wants to please. She listens (mostly). She loves school. etc. Then we had her baby sister.... lol! My 2 year old is a bull in a china shop & has been like that since she was born! She was a colicky baby & screamed from 6 weeks until she was 5 months old. (God Bless Probiotics that cured her colic, finally.) She is opinionated, stubborn, rough, tough, sneaky and sassy. She is constantly driven to be getting into something or looking for something to get in to ! lol! BUT - she's such a charmer and a comedian. She loves just as wildly as she behaves! She's lucky she's so dang cute! Those are her redeeming qualities that keep us from trading her in! lol! KIDDING! BUT high fives to you for having another after your first was your difficult baby. We always say that if our second had been our first, she would have been our only! ;)

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  14. I actually took my youngest to the DR to see if he was a future serial killer. I'm not lying. It was so hard and so offing awful everyday and when he was 2.5 he totally chilled out. The violent tantrums stopped, he's speaking now and I don't hide crying in my closet anymore.

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  15. My Aidan is the way you described Madison. He is such a sweet boy, but boy can he scream! It's so embarrassing and brings out the worst in me. He'll be 4 next month, so you've given me hope that maybe he'll chill out too! xoxo

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  16. Oh gosh... I'm sure your son was like a dream after having a tough four years with your first! I have been told numerous times that each kid is different - WAY different. With Baby #2 arriving in June, I'm very excited but a whole lot of nervous to find out what kind of personality he/she has. Our son didn't sleep through the night until he was one year old (blame it on being a preemie and us not being very good at sleep training?)... but besides that, he's been a really fun kid to raise! Very easy going, cuddly and mellow. Loud, but not riled up too often.

    I have a feeling Baby #2 is going to be payback time for us!
    Amy @ http://www.livinglifetruth.com/

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  17. Thank you!! Mine is 5 and still a huge handful. I have felt like a failure many times. Sometimes I just sit and pray. I am hoping it gets easier.

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  18. You hit it on the head for me. My first was a nightmare...just like yours in every way. I was so scared when I was pregnant with my second...so sure it would be a repeat, but it was the opposite. I look at the pic of Madison with the mask on. Asthma My first had that, too. TOO similar!

    Jane x

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  19. The mommy wars are so real that no one ever wants to admit if/when they had a tough time. Even though you hate to know that someone struggled, it sure is nice to know you aren't alone. Thank you for being honest. I have so much shame for how I acted/felt/handled our first 5 months, but when people with older "difficult" children own it and tell about it, I feel like I can do it!

    At 13 months, I am just now climbing out of the trenches! Thanks for sharing.

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  20. Girl, it's "would HAVE" and "could HAVE". "Would of..." is jibberish.

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    1. Really, Brennan? That's your take away from this blog? How sad.

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    2. Damn, thanks for the correction. hahhaha. Read between my lines.

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  21. It's nice to know we aren't alone in our mommy struggles. I hate how the enemy gets into our heads and makes us feel like failures... I have 2 biological children and 1 adopted child, and my precious adopted 4yo girl has challenged me as a parent more than I'd like to admit...still waiting for her to outgrow the "terrible twos" phase. Lol! Thank you for being so open and honest and sharing your heart with us!

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  22. Love this and it is so true!!!!

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  23. Yes yes yes- but we started with an angel and then had the hard one- our boy is so so so easy - our daughter - so so hard- but about 6- maturity had set in and no joke- training training training- we don't tame because I want my girl to be strong- to know what she wants and to stand up for herself- but respect and tenderness can be trained! Keep up the good work mama!

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    Replies
    1. And- people told me-boys are hard and girls are easy - Whatever!!!!????!!! Not in our home ❤️❤️❤️

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  24. I will never forget the time you FaceTimed me and made a comment to Madison about me looking like Rapunzel because I had long hair and she replied, "No, only pretty girls look like Rapunzel." HAHAHAHA!

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  25. Your story of Madison sounds so similar to the one my mom tells about me. Grandma tells me that one day, my mom called her when I was around 4 1/2 years old, and says "Mom, somethings wrong with Cherri. She's acting normal. LIke she woke up different." Grandma told me it was the end of my sleepless nights, terrorizing the house, biting kids, breaking cribs and just craziness. My mom says out of all her children, I have become the most successful, inependent and joyful. I think the strongest of children are only trying to figure out who they and where they belong and what they should be doing. You are an AMAZING woman and your daughter is going to do AMAZING things. :) I love reading your blog!!

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  26. This makes me feel better! My 2 1/2 year old and 7 month old refuse to sleep and they can get verryyy cranky! Thanks for posting. I definitely needed this today

    Whitney
    www.mamaandmister.blogspot.com

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  27. My son (my first) was an EASY baby! He walked early and was active, but didn't get in to things he wasn't supposed to. Now at 3.5, he is DIFFICULT. There are days I want to cry because he is so defiant and never listens to anything we say :( My daughter (now 15 months) was such a hard baby. She cried for 4 months straight, screamed bloody murder in the car, wouldn't sleep at night, etc. I was up with her every night from about 11 to 2 am. And I work full time. I wanted to die of exhaustion/frustration. She finally figure out how to sleep around 12 months, and now she is pure joy (though she gets into EVERYTHING). I just wish they could both be easy at the same time and give me a break for a change...

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  28. My son (my first) was an EASY baby! He walked early and was active, but didn't get in to things he wasn't supposed to. Now at 3.5, he is DIFFICULT. There are days I want to cry because he is so defiant and never listens to anything we say :( My daughter (now 15 months) was such a hard baby. She cried for 4 months straight, screamed bloody murder in the car, wouldn't sleep at night, etc. I was up with her every night from about 11 to 2 am. And I work full time. I wanted to die of exhaustion/frustration. She finally figure out how to sleep around 12 months, and now she is pure joy (though she gets into EVERYTHING). I just wish they could both be easy at the same time and give me a break for a change...

    ReplyDelete

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