7.24.2014

Spoiled, but Not a Brat.

 I'm sure most of you saw that Madison lost her front tooth, poor girl, I had no idea it was even loose until she got it knocked out with a soccer ball.



I guess she jokingly told my Mom she should get a 20 for being brave and not crying, no big deal. I mean she would trade you a 20 for 2 dollars, because - duh - two is more than one :)
Except to some of you I guess it was a big deal - which got me thinking about how spoiled or not my kid was. 





Growing up in a family of 6, with a Mom who stayed home until I was in High School, we didn't have a lot of extra cash. Anytime we got an expensive gift it was for everyone, yeah right, like my brothers ever let me have a turn on the Nintendo! I don't remember ever having a girls shopping trip with my Mom or just getting a new outfit just because. Did all this sharing make me a better person? Eh, I kinda hate to share anything now, just ask my husband.  Am I stronger for having to provide for myself? I appreciate my education more since I had to pay for it and I do have a good work ethic - not sure that's correlated though.

My husband on the other hand grew up as an only child and was provided lots of extras in life, some would say he was spoiled because his college and extras were provided for.  He turned out pretty dang good anyways and is very responsible with his money, more so than I am.

Madison has pretty much been an only child for 5 years, plus she has BOTH sets of grandparents living within 20 miles and whom she see's almost on a daily basis. She's given everything, seriously the kid has her own iPad. A trip to Target regularly ends with her getting something, I mean, who can resist all the cute stuff there?? She's in dance, soccer, swim, gymnastics, and preschool - all of that is provided for her. Preschool was a luxury we couldn't afford when I was young. 


 I honestly don't see her as spoiled - to me spoiled is more of an adjective used to describe bratty kids. The one thing people always comment on is how polite and loving she is to others. I've seen first hand how she's gone out of her way to include someone who was on the outskirts or how she ALWAYS asks how my day was as soon as she sees me. In fact one of my neighbors had me laughing because she told me when Madison came over to play she went into the kitchen and was asking how HER day was, she's just a really caring kid.


 When I ask her to do something, she does it. She's rarely in trouble for misbehaving, but she does have her moments, especially when she's overly tired. She always says thank you and I truly believe she is thankful, or as much as a 5 year old can be. 

So no, I don't see any problem with giving her a 20 for her front tooth, it's enough for her to be able to go pick out a new pony and pay for it herself at the store. Will she get that much for every tooth, no, but then again she has no idea how much 20 dollars even is. 


People are going to judge how my kid is raised regardless, but as long as she is caring and respectful of others I don't care. She may never know what it's like to struggle financially, but I'm ok with that, I've worked hard to build a good life for my children. 

Just sucks for her that I'm in the 'no driving until your 18' camp :)


 
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32 comments :

  1. This was really nice. People will judge you no matter what you do. I'm glad my kids are being raised with more than what I had. My husband was raised like your husband, and I was raised like you. When I take my 8 year old school clothes shopping and she picks what she wants, we always have a discussion about how this isn't how I was raised and she's incredibly fortunate that we can afford to buy her new things and not everyone is so lucky. But the way I was raised made me incredibly independent and I will pass that trait onto my daughter. Yes, she has an iPod, and I'm so very happy that I can afford to buy that for her. And she appreciates it! Good job Megan!!!

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  2. Preach. Spoiled is not a bad thing. Bratty is. Big difference. People get bent out of shape sometimes because they are comparing what they can provide with their kid with what you are providing for yours. Comparison, always the thief of joy. We all need to just do our best and stop looking to others for tooth fairy/birthday party/allowance validation. Just follow your heart and do YOU!

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  3. I love this. I was raised like your hubs except it didn't teach me a damn thing and I dug myself into a financial hole. I had to dig myself out of it though and it was terrible, especially since I didn't take my parents up on paying for college. Instead I have been a stay at home mom for 8 years. I am now on my way back to college to pursue nursing. And I am teaching my kids not to take things for granted. My husband has a GREAT job, and thankfully we can afford to give them many things. However, if they ever act entitled or snotty/bratty about it, I WILL be the first to say they are done!
    My husband was raised much like you were so he LOVES to "spoil" them and give them things he couldn't have.

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  4. LOVE this post! As my mom would say, "she's not spoiled, she's well loved." My kids are "spoiled" as well-never once have they been accused of being bratty and are always the first to want to help someone in need.

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  5. You ask 10 Moms what is appropriate for a certain situation and you'll get 10 answers.This is a topic that everyone isn't' going to agree on. So trust your gut and do the best you can.

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  6. I'm on the same page as you with the word spoiled only describing bratty kids. My parents "spoiled" me a little but I always stayes grateful and that's what really matters. Knowing that not everything is going to be given to you so easily. She's only five so that's probably not on her radar now but she seems like a grateful kid and it will be soon. :)

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  7. In the end all that matters... the end of those young years, pre teen years, teen years, college years, young adult find your own way years... in the end all that matters is she is loved and she loves her mom... take it from a girl who lost her mom early... the $20 won't be what defines the memory nor does it matter... the memory is how she is loved and she loves you unconditionally. What will set her life apart is her own memories... that she didn't have the same as the others... and the more you do for/with her... all the better!!! Keep up the good work... now let's sing .... Love, Love will keep us together.... nothing like a little Captain and Tennille on our Pre-Friday!!!!

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  8. I completely agree with you! My husband and I were raised in middle class families and had a lot of things growing up, were in a lot of activities, went on great vacations, our college was paid for, etc. I also always knew that my parents worked hard for the things they gave us. Today, my husband and I both work extremely hard and have a nice life and we want to give our kids nice things. Our three year old is so appreciative when he gets something. He is very polite and says thank you without prompting. We teach him to clean up after himself and take care of his things. If he is whining or throws a fit over something at a store, he doesn't get it.

    But no matter what you do or don't do for your kids, someone is going to disagree. Just raise them how you want. We are all just doing the best we can!

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  9. During my teenage years my dads business started doing very well and my brother and I became those "spoiled" kids. My parents came from families who had very little so they always made sure my brother and I wanted for nothing. College paid for, new (leased) cars, etc. that's just how it was. We didn't act spoiled though. I much preferred the term "fortunate" because I felt like we did our best to earn what we were given. And if we didn't all the pretty things would have been gone before we could blink. I only hope I can provide all those things for my children too.

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  10. I think it's okay to be a little over-indulged as a kid - what is childhood for except for learning to have a blast, be happy, and stay a kid as long as you can!! I think if you're kid throws a tantrum, it can be a sign you're doing something right. You're putting up a boundary and they are trying to push through it - that's how kids learn! You are an awesome mom trying to do the best you can under a microscope. Madison seems like a great, sweet kid and I'm pretty sure she's going to turn out just fine. :)

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  11. I'm an only child, and I become very defensive of the terms "spoiled" or "brat". Being spoiled or a brat has nothing to do with being an only child/only having one sibling and a big gap between, and everything to do with parenting.
    It doesn't appear you are spoiling OR creating a brat. It sounds like she's a very lovely kid.
    In my experience, people just assume things. I have friends and relatives that assume my parents bought my first car or paid for my college or helped me buy my first house. I let them think that even though I know that my mom helped pay for the taxes on my first car, but I bought the car. My parents paid for half of my college, but I paid the rest. I bought my first house, but they bought me a couch for my living room.
    Am I spoiled? Maybe. But I was also taught to work hard for things and to be grateful for what I have, so I think my parents, and you and Oliver, did just fine.
    But that line of thinking will carry through life, unfortunately. I have a cousin that takes every opportunity he can to point out that I'm a "spoiled only child." (I treated myself to a trip to Disneyworld this spring with money I earned on my own. It was mentioned at a family gathering that I was the only one that had been to both Disney land and world. He said it must be nice to be a spoiled only child. I pointed out that my family taking me when I was five years old and me buying my own vacation at 29 were very, very different things ;) )
    You're doing just fine mama. If the tooth fairy wants to bring $20, then the tooth fairy shall bring $20.

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  12. I think it's kind of hard to define "spoiled" these days. Isn't every parent trying to make their child's life even better than theirs or give them more than they had growing up? We had a lot growing up but I also saw my dad work his tail off to put 3 girls through private school and later put my mom through college when she decided to go back. I know that all these material things come from work. I think my daughter sees the same thing. She knows there are families and children less fortunate now that she is old enough to understand. She is grateful for what she has. Also, I had to laugh at this point too because I remember my sister getting $20 in a birthday card one year and I trade her $3 for it....because 3 ones is better that just ONE 20 haha

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  13. people at my work totally made fun of me b/c I gave $5.00 for the first tooth! ugh! but you know what, to each his own!

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  14. No worries, my 6 year old son just had to have his molar pulled and I cried (They aren't supposed to lose those until they are 9 to 12) as you can imagine I was a guilty mess that day, and the tooth fairy left him $20 because he had to lose it so early and in such a horrible way. To each their own.

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  15. Just out of curiosity, why no driving until she's 18?

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  16. Our backgrounds sound about the same. I grew up with 6 brothers and sisters and was never given anything new really, unless it was a big family gift. I wanted it to be differently for my son. When people call him spoiled, I have taught him to reply... "I am not spoiled, I am just REALLY loved!"

    He is a well mannered almost 5 year old who says pleas,e thank you, yes ma'am, and no ma'am...

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  17. Lol....my 14 yr old just found out last year that you can legally drive at 16(I had always told her it was 18). I told her sure,no problem as long as one of your parents sign for it! Sorry kid tough break!

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  18. People and their opinions can freaking eff off. I have two kind, compassionate, respectful and down right amazing children that I spoil rotten with love, kindness, compassion, respect, "things", treats, rewards, etc. I WANT to give them the world and I work my arse off so that I can give them what I want to give them. I owe NO ONE an explanation for why I do what I do and neither do you Skinny Meg. Mark my words, my kids are changing the world with all the love, kindness, compassion, respect, etc that I "spoil" them with. The rest is just fun stuff....AND is no one elses place to judge. Out of respect for those opinions that no one asked for, I would slip $50 bucks under that pillow!! ;)

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  19. I agree with you. I do believe that bratty and spoiled go hand in hand. She sounds like an awesome kid!!!

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  20. My daughter has been pretty spoiled (financially anyway) all her life. She's an only child and with her grandparents a lot. She is a great kid though. I think you can still raise a great kid even if they are a little spoiled. Oh and my daughter got 20$ for her first ever loose tooth but we told her that was a special price because it was her first. It was 5$ after that. I try to make it a point to show her she has it really good financially and that many others do not have it as good. She's 13 now and seems to understand this pretty well.

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  21. As someone who raised has raised a lovely 22 year old "only child" daughter, I thought I'd share a quote that helped me a lot:
    "It is not giving children more that spoils them; it is giving them more to avoid confrontation."- John Gray
    Sounds like you're doing just fine! Thanks for sharing your life with us!

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  22. Everyone raises their children differently so there will be many opinions on this. What I have told family is don't buy my kids stuff that they will forget about in a week; spend time with them and make memories instead. Go biking, hiking, bake cookies, etc. because that will last forever.

    Try this test to see if your daughter is becoming spoiled. For the next week or two, buy her nothing when you go out together-no extra toys, lattes, dinner out, clothes, etc. Obviously I am not saying don't feed and clothe the kiddo, but don't do extras like stopping for ice cream and see what happens. And be honest with yourself.

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  23. I toooootally agree with you about the definition of spoiled! Madison doesn't seem spoiled to me at all. Happy, kind, and well adjusted :) Keep up the great work mama!

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  24. I agree, as long as she is sweet and genuinely cares about and for others, nothing else matters. The world needs more children (and adults!) like your precious little girl. 💕

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  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  26. I read the Nintendo thing and just had to put my two cents in... First off, I never remember you having any grief on the nintendo play time, except for maybe the first day we got it on Christmas. And yes, you were the spoiled one that got the new car, parents that would have helped you financially through college, paid for your braces, trips to Canada, gymastics, band, horse carriaged weddings, etc.. We all got what was left over from you, if anything. Since you were the eldest, any mistake they made with you was one that I was never afforded the opportunity to have. So sorry you didn't get to play on the nintendo as much as you would have liked, but that argument has no substance when considering what your other siblings had to endure. It worked out for the best because I left at 17 and realized that I must do something more to better my life. I'm glad Madison has such a loving family, and I'm happy that she is so nautraully kind hearted and that she has stability in her life. Twenty dollars for her tooth is a bargain, I believe it shoud retail for at least $50.

    I just happened to stumble upon your page for the first time, read it, and obviously had differenect opinons so I thought I would make your day and leave a love note. Please give madison kisses for me, and I will buy that tooth for $50 OBO. make an offer and have it sealed, I'll consider it to be the best and most invaluable birthday present to have a piece of her here with me, even if it is just a knocked out tooth.

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  27. I have 3 kids and they don't have or do nearly as much as yours but they are spoiled. we often talk about how they have so much more than others so they need to be humble, thankful, appreciative and giving. most of all, we spoil them with our time and attention, They are not brats, and I don't feel bad about spoiling them. they do understand money and all monies are divided between savings, giving and spending. and my middle child got a $20 for her first tooth because it had to be pulled due to dental trauma. it was pure momma guilt!

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  28. I agree with you that spoiled is how kids act when they don't appreciate everything they have. My brother routinely calls me spoiled because my mom was only 18 & struggling when she had him and she was settled and grounded when she had me at 38. We group up two completely different ways, and yes, I got almost everything I asked for, but I also appreciated it (most of the time).

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  29. When my oldest ~Who is also named Madison~ lost her first tooth the tooth fairy left her a $20 as well yes we got a few OMGs off it but you know what the rest of her teeth she has got $5 and like your Madison she really doesn't get that one is better than the other. She is starting to but doesn't 100%. She and our twins maybe "spoilt" but they are polite and well behaved. Like you I grew up with out much (single mom with 3 kids) but my husband grew up having a little money while I don't want everything just handed to my kids I also dont want them to know the like of "stay out of the milk it has to last till payday" either. So you know what if we are out and there is something they want or I want for them I normally get it for them. Do they expect it? No! Do they say thank you? Yes! Always! And if it get to the point they expect it and arent grateful then I would stop

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  30. You could have only given her $2 and people would have said it wasn't enough. It's her first tooth. And honestly, she's your kid. If you want to give her $20, go ahead!

    I think she's a wonderful kid. We never hear you say anything bad about her. Rarely hear about her being in trouble. And she's friggin adorable!

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