8.06.2013

LesbiHonest




The hardest relationships in my life are the ones I have with women.  Since elementary school the ‘feeling’ has been there, to be prettier, to be faster, to be smarter, just to be as good as her.  Puberty brings gossiping and mean girls, high school was a blast. Or not. In my twenties it seemed most relationships were situational, friends from work or friends who liked to party. Getting married and having a child were both big steps in my life and unfortunately I lost friends during each. Sometimes you just drift apart, especially if you are at different stages in your life, other times people are not as happy for you as they may seem.

Reflection on the failed friendships in my life all seem to point to one common feeling, competition. This can come across as a sarcastic dig or a cutting comment, sometimes it can even be from radio silence. I think my first real realization of this was after having Madison, Moms are the worst offenders. Oh your kid crawled; well mine is walking across the room at 7 months. Oh your breastfeeding, I breastfeed my last for two years. It’s exhausting trying to keep up, which is probably why I gave up on Mommy groups. Obviously I know my kids a rockstar, but I try to keep that to myself. Most of the time.

No friendship is going to last if you are constantly comparing yourself and your life to someone else’s. This is a major downfall for most women, I myself am guilty at times, but I honestly try to not harbor ill feeling towards someone for something good happening to them.  Blogging is a major trigger, lots of blogs only put out the sunshine and roses, which is fine. Something’s should be kept private and you shouldn’t talk about them on the internet, but you always have to remember that, you only see what you are shown.
Now that I’m in my thirties I have less patience for the bull. I’ve learned that if you have to work too hard on a relationship, then you are probably forcing it. I don’t want to feel competitive with my friends, my real friends are happy for me. I think the reason I didn’t lose any friends when I lost weight was because I surrounded myself with the good ones, to each and every one of you who supported me I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Good friends are hard to find. 

To all you young{er} women out there, just know that not everyone is going to be happy for you. Maybe it seems wrong, why wouldn’t we support each other during big moments in our life? I don’t know, but if you find a true friend be sure to be a great friend back. Friendships are important, they help us remember who we truly are, and I hope I’m remembered as someone who cared.

How do you deal with friends who can't be happy for you?

This seems like a logical reaction to bitchiness.

79 comments :

  1. I read a book by Beth Moore dealing with this topic. She traced it back to women's insecurities. It was really an interesting book. Gave me a whole new perspective when dealing with ugly acting women.

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  2. I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me, but I can't help it that I'm popular.

    I've lost many a friendship since becoming a mom. And it's taken me a long time to be ok with it. I'm at a good place in my life and they weren't. I don't need that kind of bullshit while trying to keep a toddler from destroying my house.

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  3. That was a really great post no one needs a negative nancy in their life :)

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  4. Amen! And I believe this is one of the biggest realizations I've had in my 30's too! It's not about how many "friends" you have, it's about the real ones that stick with you through everything!

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  5. Life is either to short or to long (depending on how you look at it) to put up with that BS cut them out and move on.

    I see it this way - you don't always have to agree with my life choices but for the most part if all that friend ever does is cause drama, put me down and be judgy mcjudgerson then she needs to go.

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  6. I am so sorry to hear that! I was SOOOOO happy for you when I found out you were prego. One of my sweet coworkers has had several miscarriages and keeps trying. I want to have one and I have been off birth control for years and wonder if I can even have one? No matter what, you have to feel joy when good things happen to those around you! If not, you become BITTER BETTY. Run from them!!!!! xoxo Kristy

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  7. I couldn't agree more. I really don't have many girl friends and it makes me sad, but I just don't have the time or energy to keep up with the demands some women need. I have a few really close friends, but none of them live close to me, so it's a long distance thing. But I know they're there for me no matter what. I guess that's all that matters, right? Have a great day!

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  8. Great post, Megan! My reaction has been to build a wall around myself to keep people out. But, that has also kept me in. I'm trying very hard to make an effort to get out there, to be positive and expect positivity in return. (Hard thing for an introvert.) I just wish everyone else would also try to judge less and love/support/encourage more.

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  9. Our babies are about the same age and this post is right on. I love your face and I enjoy your honesty. Keep it up! You're awesome :)

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  10. I LOVED this post! Cut the crap and keep it real! Much Love Meg!

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  11. I am the same way. It's like some girls never graduated high school. There was one in particular who was horrible to me in high school, she found me on Facebook, we became friends and she is a totally different person. She did a lot of soul searching when she had her daughter and got divorced. She even apologized for how she treated me in the past. I wish all girls would go through this!

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  12. The message that I hear from your post today is to be more aware of who we choose as our friends and who we give our precious time to whether we are fat or skinny. If we waste out time with the wrong people now or then well then it becomes our fault that those "friends" are too jealous or whatever to embrace us through "thick or thin".

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  13. I love this post! I completely agree... I have only a few close friendships with women because I hate catty B-S! I ain't got time fo dat! I feel like as women we cut ourselves down enough... why do we do it to each other?

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  14. I love this post! I completely agree... I get so tired of catty B-S! As women most of the time we cut ourselves down enough... why do we do it to each other??? I ain't got time fo dat! I definitely cherish the 2-3 real female friends I have because they're few and far between!

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  15. So very true! Very well said! =)

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  16. So very true! Well said, sister!

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  17. Thank you, Meg! I just love that you are real and say it how it is. I feel the same way, if you have to force a friendship then it is not meant to be! Madison's reaction is the best! xoxox have a wonderful day, lady! Can you send me your workout playlist?? samantham.gross@yahoo.com!!!

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  18. I just turned 30 this summer and this has been a serious life lesson for me recently. It IS especially hard when you're at different places with friends, but I have learned in the last year or so that I am infinitely happier when I don't compare myself to anyone else, especially the people I care about. I have two good friends from high school, one from college, and two from my post-work career that I count as my support team. I don't put up with a whole lot of bullshit from anyone else - no thanks, no time!

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  19. I literally just emailed a friend about this! I mean not your blog, but how I have had to rid my life of toxic people. :) And...it's hard to say good bye sometimes. I just CANNOT and WILL NOT, surround myself with people like that. I have zero tolerance for fair weathered friends. It only took me a good forty years to figure this out! When I give you my friendship, I give you trust, love and loyalty. I love through good times and bad. If you get success at something I always wanted, I will still be your #1 cheerleader! I have a feeling you are the exact same way! Thanks for posting this!

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  20. Thank you so much for that post! That is exactly what I needed to hear today!

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  21. Thank you so much for this post! It is exactly what I needed to hear today!

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  22. This is a very well written post. It speaks volumes. Your blog is one that I have been following for a while and have not gotten tired of. Thank you for being awesome!

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  23. This is so true! Love following your blog and keeping up with all of the good things happening in your life. Good things happen to good people!

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  24. I was just having a conversation about this with a good friend today. Jealousy makes the ugliness come out in some people. It sucks but you can't let that bring you down. Am I jealous sometimes? Definitely. But you just have to count your blessings and be happy for someone when they have accomplishments in their life. I think the older I get the easier it is to deal with these things. Just brush them off, forget it and spend time with those friends that are true friends. It's hard being a woman! lol (great post today)

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  25. It is like you are reading my mind today! Amazing post!

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  26. Its sad to say but if a friend isn't being supportive or happy for me during my happy moments I start to slowly cut them out of my life. I know it's sad and cold. I haven't kept any childhood friends because we all went our seperate ways and were in different places. I still talk to them but we aren't like we use to be. My best friend (or so I thought) I went to the ends of the earth for her when she had both her babies, moved, and got married. I would have done anything for her, and I did. But when it came time for me to move, get married and have a baby she was no where around. When I would try to set a date to hang out with her she would say she would- only for that day to come and I find out she made with someone else and didn't even bother to call or text or send a homing pegion with a message to tell me she made other plans (even if I was talking to her about it the night before). When we would hang out it was all about her and her kids, not even a how's married life or how's it feel to be a mother of 2 now. Nothing. At my wedding she was my MOH, I didn't see her all day. When I was pregnant she just kept talking about how she wants a 3rd and how perfect her kids are. It gets old and after all of this I decided if my friends can't be as happy for me as I am for them then they don't deserve to be in my life. It makes me sad at times because I don't have that go-to girlfriend when things get rough or I need a girl to talk to but I also don't like competeing with other women so I omit it all together.

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  27. I have very few real friends. Of course, we don't live near each other. I feel like I am all alone at times. I hoping to find that person that I can lean on that lives near me. Women of all ages can be just mean at times.

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  28. Let's see if Blogger hates me today or not. I think you hit the nail on the head. Too often we (women) are so competitive that it overshadows our friendships to the point where there isn't a friendship any longer. I hate the term "frienemy" because if they are your friend, it shouldn't matter if they are prettier, thinner, etc.. than you. Friendship should be based on loyalty, trust, caring and knowing that someone will be there for you through thick and thin. I have stepped back from the blogging world (except for your's) because it was making me feel crazy inferior and I have enough going on in my life right now. It is impossible to be jealous of you, simply because I know how HARD you work every single day to get where you are and look like you do. You make it look easy, but I know it isn't. Anyone who can't handle your successes is not worthy of your attention and I am glad you realize that :)

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  29. Let's see if Blogger hates me today or not. I think you hit the nail on the head. Too often we (women) are so competitive that it overshadows our friendships to the point where there isn't a friendship any longer. I hate the term "frienemy" because if they are your friend, it shouldn't matter if they are prettier, thinner, etc.. than you. Friendship should be based on loyalty, trust, caring and knowing that someone will be there for you through thick and thin. I have stepped back from the blogging world (except for your's) because it was making me feel crazy inferior and I have enough going on in my life right now. It is impossible to be jealous of you, simply because I know how HARD you work every single day to get where you are and look like you do. You make it look easy, but I know it isn't. Anyone who can't handle your successes is not worthy of your attention and I am glad you realize that :)

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  30. VERY well said. I completely agree - just turning 30 and not being married or having kids has left me in some major friendship changes. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels the same way you do!

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  31. Love this! So true! Why can't we just be more like men!

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  32. I never realized how competitive moms can be until I had my son. I even told myself I wouldn't let it get to me, but it has! The older you get, the more you realized how important it is to cherish those real, true friends.

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  33. Amen sister....going through some of the same issues myself. It sucks period....

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  34. Love this and couldn't agree more! I have some cherished friends that came from all of my different life phases. The ones that wanted selfish one-sided friendships fell by the wayside and they are not missed.

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  35. I LOVE this! So well written and thoughtful!Also whole heartedly agree with you jealousy is truly and ugly trait and it is written all over so many womens faces! You have a beautiful family,a loving husband, a lovely personality and the ability to laugh at yourself and that is worth 1000 crappy fake friends!

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  36. Wow. I have to say I have never felt this, I have so many wonderful female friends. I couldn't get by in life without them. There is nothing to "compete" for.

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  37. I love this post, Meg! I so identify! I've never had a ton of friends because I'm a complete introvert, but I've never really had the patience for drama-rama. And, actually, I don't get the competition. I never felt the need to compete with mother women--maybe it's because I had a prettier twin (so there was never any point--I'd never "win"). Maybe if I had more girlfriends in my life, I'd be more pressured to, but I don't really like too much girl time. Never have! :)

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  38. Oh yeah! I also wanted to say that this post makes me a little worried to become a mom. Because I don't think I'd ever try to compete with other women in my life, but I'm pretty sure if anyone tried to snub my kid, I'd go at them. The only friendship drama I've had in my life has been when someone went after my sister or husband. I will totally get petty and competitive when it comes to standing up for them!

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  39. One of my favorite quotes that I try to be mindful of is, "Comparison kills contentment." I agree blogging is a hard place not to get caught up in it. *like* this post:-)

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  40. Love this post! Over the last couple of years I have been dealing with lost friendships because of these things. I have learned so much in the last few years since bettering myself! I love who I am, if someone doesn't, that's ok and I am ok with that. I love that I know who my true friends are and who I can really count on! I love that I am so much more confident in myself as I approach my mid thirties!

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  41. I have experienced similar struggles. I made the choice to cut out the negativity. That mean sacraficing friendships in the process. I suppose they were merely acquaintances posing as friends.
    I am who I am and I'm not going to BS about it. Sometimes I don't like to drink. Yep, it just doesn't agree with me at times. So does that make me a Debbie Downer? I can still have a blast w/o help from the bar.
    Friendships should come easily. Being a wife and mother is hard enough, let's not add working too hard to keep friendships.
    Yes, sometimes we neglect friendships but your true friends will forgive you for being busy with family, work, etc.
    Thanks for the honesty!

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  42. This is so true! I loved this post.

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  43. I LOVE this post! Every bit of it! Xoxox

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  44. OH this is so good. I blogged about friendship today, but it was more about how to keep your friends, but I love that you talk about being selective with who you keep close to you. Because it's so true, not everyone will be your biggest fan. Great great post, love it!

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  45. Great post! Good friendships shouldnt be hard to keep I do my best not to be competitive and to be a good friend to the people in my life

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  46. Thank you for writing this post- I am seriously lacking in the friend department mainly due to not wanting to deal with the competition...so thank you :)

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  47. This is so sad and true. I keep hoping it's not but am constantly reminded it is. ; ( Great post!

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  48. I'm a younger woman, so while in college I always said "if I call her at 2 a.m. and need a ride and she doesn't come get me and she calls me at 2 a.m. I'm not picking that bitch up..." that's a true friendship test.

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  49. that is sad, but it makes it so much more meaningful when we do find real friendships :)

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  50. Love this! Thank you for saying it!

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  51. Love this! Thank you for saying it!

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  52. Love this post!!! Let go of the crap and keep the quality ones around.

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  53. love reading your blog! I just started blogging. Come check it out!
    www.runmarykrun.blogspot.com

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  54. I'm thirty freaking five and I'm still dealing with this shiz. Right smack dab in the middle of it and I have no idea how I got here. What a mess...what drama. Life's too short. YOLO!!

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  55. This was a really great post, and a great reminder to be the friend you wish to have.

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  56. This post makes you sound very happy and secure in your life! Loved it!

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  57. Man this really hit home today... And sadly, my culprit(s) are some family members, I'm completely broken today dealing with the bullshit.

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  58. Man this hit home today!! I'm completely broken today by this type of bullshit. Sadly, my culprits are female family members. Just totally heartbroken. I love you blog and instagram. Don't let this bs get you down.

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  59. Holla! This is a great post Meg!
    Love all of it.
    xx

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  60. My best advice is ever the same old quote "If someone shows you who they are....believe them."

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  61. So true...I'll take quality of friendship over quantity any day!!

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  62. This was interesting and insightful read--to see what goes on in most women's head..the jealousy, comparing, etc..I don't know why, but I have just never really care what the girl had, or how pretty she was...it was the furthest thing from my mind, and still is, today. At 30, I really like, so, who the F care about someone else's XYZ?

    :D thank for this insight...glad you learned not to let other women get to you, and that others may not always be happy for you--and that it their problem, not yours!!

    Have a great day!!!

    -dotsie

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  63. One more thing---your daughter is absolutely adorable!!! LOVE her expression in this photo!!! :D

    -dotsie

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  64. After I lost a bunch of weight two of my friends treated me different. Some of it I think is because I didn't want to eat the same thing that they ate. I also think they were jealous. One of my friends hadn't seen me in a while and gave me the look up and down and was mean to me for the rest of the evening. I just don't hang out with them as much anymore. I don't get it!! If I see a friend that has lost 60+ pounds I compliment them. They deserve it! They have worked there butt off. I also understand how it can be heart breaking when you find out someone is pregnant and you have been trying. I still put on a happy face and get excited for them! Good luck and congratulations!

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  65. Yesss! I have grown apart from a girlfriend of mine that I used to be very close to and it all started when I got married. I lost zero other friends when I got married and moved away from our hometown, but my friendship with her fizzled. It used to bug me, but recently I've realized what you so eloquently stated... "... I have less patience for the bull. I’ve learned that if you have to work too hard on a relationship, then you are probably forcing it." Woo! It's so liberating to know that you've put as much effort in as you can and if it's not reciprocated, that's okay. You'll probably be happier just letting it go.

    It is hard to not compare yourself to other women, and I need to remind myself of that (and know I will if/when my husband and I ever have a kid). But good ol' Teddy Roosevelt said it best, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

    Great post!

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  66. Love you and Love this!!

    My favorite motto about relationships (male or female) is that someone comes into your life "for a reason, a season or a lifetime". Figuring out which purpose someone holds in your life is a struggle but once you figure it out, the clarity is amazing and brings such peace.

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  67. So true!

    Side note, Madison is a doll, seriously so cute!

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  68. Women friendships are tough. Putting yourself out there emotionally can be scary. And being in the motherhood arena can add a whole other level of stress.The kindergarten gold stars have been replaced by the elusive Mommy gold stars.

    Good friends support you through the good times and the bad. They don't use your hard times to promote their own good times. Some people are better at PR then others and it is exhausting to hear about their perfect life. But, no one is perfect. Life is messy. And sometimes getting there is half the fun.

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  69. Agree. Agree. Agree. Before I know it, I end up sharing less and less of my life with them. I dont think its always that they can't be happy for me, just that we aren't in the same places in our lives anymore and they don't know how to deal with that. I have one friendship in particular that I miss the dickens out of, but I can only pray about it now.

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  70. Agree. Agree. Agree. Before I know it, I end up sharing less and less of my life with them. I dont think its always that they can't be happy for me, just that we aren't in the same places in our lives anymore and they don't know how to deal with that. I have one friendship in particular that I miss the dickens out of, but I can only pray about it now.

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