4.18.2013

My Fertility Story


Honestly this infertility is quite shocking to me, I mean my own Mother got knocked up FOUR times on accident. I’m healthy, I eat right, I exercise, I just don’t understand where the disconnect is!  When we first started trying I was so excited, I knew for sure I’d be pregnant within 2 months and pop the kid out right after graduation and everything would be fine.


Me at my appt yesterday. The 'wand' is NOT your friend.
3 months in I thought, ok something’s not right let’s try some tricks:  sperm friendly lube, pillows under the hips, temping, and ovulation sticks, etc. Jesus, I’m pretty sure I spent all my free time on the internet researching way’s to get knocked up. Let me tell you if you love drama just join a birth club on BabyCenter, those girls are cray. No offense, I did meet some of my great friends there! I seem to make a lot of real life friends off the internet…. Anyways…..

5 months in I realized something was wrong with my temping charts; I was ovulating on day 21 and getting my period on day 29. {For those of you not familiar with this kind of stuff you should have 12-14 days between the two} . I became obsessed with figuring out a way to lengthen my luteal phase, B12 or was it B6, I can’t remember?? I tried teas, creams, whatever I could and EVERY SINGLE MONTH I was sure it was going to work and EVERY SINGLE MONTH i was devastated.
I remember the day I got my period and realized something was wrong, it was Fourth of July and I was waiting for Oliver to get home so we could go to a party. He was late, my period started, and I was PISSED. I was pissed about my body and I took it out on him, we had a terrible fight and I cried most of the night, he just didn’t understand why I was so upset. The next day I made an appointment with my gyno.

On my first visit to the gyno they did a sonogram to check my stuff, I don’t really know what, but the tech said ‘Oh well that looks weird’. Thanks, way to freak a girl out! I found out I had a large cyst on my stomach lining and had to have surgery to have it removed.



7 months in I started taking Clomid to hopefully make me ovulate better/sooner, honestly gyno’s can only prescribe a few things to help with getting knocked up, but most of the time you need to have been seeing them about the issue for a YEAR before they will refer you to a fertility specialist. I find that very annoying, what’s the point of putting me on a medicine I may not need just to waste time until I can see the person who CAN figure out what’s going on?

12 months in and no progress. The clomid did nothing; they also prescribed me progesterone supplements for a month which had zero effect on me. FINALLY I was given the ok to see a specialist! I had just started my new job and I was concerned about taking time off to go to the Dr, I found one within 15 minutes of my office and my boss is very flexible so that was one less thing for me to worry about.  The Dr was very nice and the first visit all we did was chat about my history, I expressed concern over my exercise routines and whether they were affecting my cycles. He said it’s possible, but he didn’t think that was what was going on. He did a sonogram and I found out my uterus lining was not very thick so I had to wait a month for my cycle to start and take a panel of blood work. I do have a few hormone levels that are low, but nothing they could fix.  I had to wait ANOTHER month for my cycle to start so they could check my uterus, I did have some scar tissue inside, but THANKFULLY he was able to remove it without me having to have surgery. I probably would break down if I have to have another surgery, I don’t have the time off at work and it’s so effing expensive.

Now I have to wait ONE MORE MONTH {storyofmylife} to have yet another test done before he can decide a course of action. He needs to check my tubes with a dye test and it has to be done within 7 days of your cycle starting, I think? Haha. All I know is I call them up and they tell me when to come in, that’s about all the effort I’m putting into this right now.

The first 6 months were the hardest, and then I started forcing myself to focus on other things. I was graduating, I had to find a job, I signed up for a half, I started lifting more weights. Anything besides sitting around wondering if every sign my body was giving me was one of pregnancy. No more peeing on sticks, no more tracking days, no more forcing sex because it’s baby making time.

So PLEASE don’t tell me to stop trying, I have. I know a lot of women are going through/ have gone through this and I honestly don’t mind sharing, in fact I have an easier time sharing with strangers than I do with my husband. I don’t tell him much and he doesn’t ask, which is why I can’t get mad when he makes comments like ‘so are we still having another kid or what’.  All he really wants to know is when to drop trough and if I’m actually knocked up, which is totally fine with me, I don’t want to sit around gabbing about it either.

Even after over a year of this I still think NEXT MONTH IS MY MONTH.




123 comments:

  1. It's so hard, I know! I have had a cyst surgery just last April 2012 and now I am scheduled for a complete hysterectomy this coming Monday. Until you hear the words....there is no other option - there is hope! It sounds like you are going to good doctors and hoping your pregnant soon!!

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  2. The doctor should have told you to take 2 Tylenol or Advil before the due procedure. I highly recommend it! It was a bit painful. I had my husband in the room with me and made him hold my hand. Infertility is tough. You get sick of people asking questions, sick of negative pregnancy tests, and sick of husbands who don't get when you just need to cry. Phone calls from the dr, morning ultrasounds, and shots & pills, its horrible. It's something people can't relate to unless they have been there. I have been there. I get it! My thoughts are with you!

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  3. Love that pic of you and Madison! So sweet! (And the others are too funny!) Praying this happens for you! I know the frustration and disappointment, not to the extent you are going through, but I do know how you feel. Love and hugs!!

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  4. I feel for you. I am a lucky one who got pregnant when my husband looked at me. However, I know many women in your boat. One of my colleagues has been trying for 3 years. Needless to say, they "gave up." It's heartwrenching for me to hear stories of infertility, especially because there are so many other people in this world that have children they do not want. Ugh.....
    Keep trying :)

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  5. You are amazing!! I think the best things happen when we least expect them =)

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  6. Weird- I have been having CRAZY dreams lately. I had one last night about you! (because of you IG post about sharing your fertility story I think?) and in my dream- when I went to read your post and you talked about everything you were going through you ended with I'M PREGNANT! I know its crazy- just had to share.

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  7. I am sorry you are going through this. My best friend is too. All her tests are normal, yet no baby. I'm her annoying friend that got knocked up on accident.

    You mentioned a few posts ago possibly switching doctors and giving him a few more chances. My advice is go with your gut. I didn't do that with my first son and, by the grace of God, I emergently delivered on a Saturday and the on call doc did my c-section. I had felt like my doc wasn't 100% awesome the whole time, I went into preterm labor and ended up in liver failure. The liver failure could have been stopped before it started if he had listened to me.When I went back to get my staples removed, the nurses were amazed at my c-section line, that it looked so good and straight. I mentioned that a different doctor had done my section and they went "OH THAT MAKES SENSE." Red flag! Just my little story to tell you, that your gut always knows.

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  8. I will pray for you! My mother struggled for five years, finally had surgery and was told she could not become pregnant. Then came me! Three years later, she had my brother too. Don't lose hope! Sometimes it just takes a little longer. :)

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  9. I struggled with secondary infertility too. It SUCKS! We started trying for baby #2 right after baby #1's 2nd birthday. Baby #2 was born 1month before #1 turned 5!! That's a looong time!
    We went through all the necessary testing, including the dye test you will be undergoing (Effing SUCKED BTW, if I'm keeping it real), only to find out that everything was normal. NORMAL! WTF. Month after month we tried and month after month, NOTHING. I can't tell you how much it angered me to know that nothing was wrong. I should have felt grateful that nothing was wrong, but nothing wrong meant nothing could be fixed.
    Anyway, we got our baby. And yes, it's a larger age gap between my boys than I'd have liked, but you know what? My 5.5 year old and my 7 month old love each other like nobody's business and I know that no matter the age gap between then they will be best friends. Also, this larger age gap has proven to be quite helpful since #1 is much more self sufficient and helpful. =D
    Anyway keep the faith and keep on keepin' on. I'm sure you'll get that baby of yours no matter how long it takes.

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  10. Thanks for putting this out there. I am going through the same thing and IT IS HARD. Every freaking month is devastating. And I swear every single girl I know comes to me and tells me they are knocked up. "we only tried one time" and I want to smack them in the face. :)

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  11. We struggled with infertility, ours was male factor. Our first took a long time to get here. The waiting was one of the hardest parts. It's a big waiting game and patience isn't one of my strong suits. But our baby girl eventually came and her sister 18 months later both via ivf. Sometimes things come easy and sometimes you have to fight for what you want in life. Just want you to know I'm rooting for you!

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  12. I love you. And that picture of you and your girl at the end of the blog is probably my all time fave. Nothing shows a mother's love like becoming the personal jungle gym with a small monkey attached at the shoulder. Takes the term 'baby wearing' to another level. The end.

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  13. Aw, Megan. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I agree that it is hurtful when people say to "just stop thinking about it" or whatever. That implies that you're doing something wrong (thinking about it too much/trying too hard) and you're not! I temped/charted in order to get pregnant. I thought about it every single day and I have a 2-year-old now. So "stop stressing over it" is really useless advice. It won't make your uterus lining thicker.

    I applaud you for sharing your story. And I wish you all the best in getting pregnant soon. You really are an inspiration.

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  14. Good luck with everything. I feel bad that you're going through this and I hope that soon you will be blessed with another mini!

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  15. One of the hardest times in my life was trying to conceive my second child. Like you I tried many things nothing helped. Every month when I would get my period I was a train wreck and no one understood the pain. I did finally conceive five years later, then had a miscarriage :(. But three months later I was able to conceive again and have another baby. I never want to go through that again or I would never wish that on anyone. Best of Luck! It's ok to feel the way you do, don't let anyone tell you different.

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  16. Ah yes, the wand. Pretty sure it got lucky more times than my husband did during the two years of trying to get pregnant! Don't you just want to punch people in the face when they tell you to "stop trying and it'll happen"? Shut. up! Have you gotten the "advice" to just adopt yet? Always a fun thing to hear when your lady bits aren't working properly and your hormones are all effed up. Oh, your doctor is going to tell you that the HSG (the dye test for your tubes) *might* be a little uncomfortable and to take some advil. That's a damn lie. It hurts like a mofo. You know you're on my heart. Thanks for sharing with us.

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  17. What will you do about your job once you have baby? just curious.

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  19. Once they did the dye test on my "tubes"..I got knocked UP. This has happened to several people I know....so crossing my fingers :)

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  20. Thanks for sharing your story!! We have been trying only since January but still it is frustrating. Really makes me mad that they tell you in HS it only takes one time..Mother Effer...it takes more than that for some! Ha!! Maybe it's a good thing I'm not a sex ed teacher!

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  21. Wow! So moving! Thank you so much for your willingness to put it all out there! It helps so much for people who have never struggled with infertility to get a tiny bit of understanding of what it's like to go through. And you know what, one month, it will by your month! Hang in there!

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  22. I know A LOT of people struggle with infertility, like 1 in 10 I think. I have no idea what youre going through. But I am sad youre sad and having a hard time getting pregnant. Youre a good person and it's not right you have to struggle.

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  23. I know where you are coming from ! It took us 2 years for us with our son. We both did all the tests (including dye test you are going to do ) and both of us were perfectly normal! No reason why we should have a problem, I will say I realized at one point I had an issue with me lower back (sacrum out of wack) and once that was all in line I ended up getting preg that month (along side with doing a yoga for fertlity training as well- I was studying to be a yoga teacher at the time). Last year (3yrs after being preg with my son) We were stuck again trying for almost a year- no luck! Then this month I realized I had a infection in a tooth, very bad (hidden and not painful root canal) my dentist said my body must have been fighting it all year for me not to have noticed it. That being said... There are so many reasons why things might be stalling- maybe look outside the realm of the normal route and see if there are other things going on with your body that you may have not noticed! Sometimes a women's body goes into protection mode and won't allow a pregnancy until everything is running smooth !! Wow that was a long winded post! I don't even write entries that long on my blog!! I just know how emotionally draining fertlity is!!! I'm sending you good vibes!!! Xo xo

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  24. Thank you for sharing this! My husband and I have a 4 1/2 year old and we have been trying for over 2 years. I actually did get pregnant last year, but had a miscarriage. I HATE it when people tell you to stop trying, like that is some sort of magical advice, it is so annoying. If you haven't gone through it you have no idea what it feels like. I am glad I am not the only one. THANK YOU so much for being so honest about such a hard subject. My husband is the same way, just tell me when is what he always says! I hope next month is your month (and mine)!

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  25. I wish you the best of luck with everything! My biggest fear is having problems when my husband and I decide to start trying.

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  26. Love your openness Skinnymeg! Great post. I'm sure everything will workout when its supposed to!

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  27. Praying and hoping that you will get knocked up soon. I know it sucks....i got pregnant with my first accidentally (i was on birth control) and it took forever with my second. I even tried clomid and that didn't work. Have you ever tried femaprin?

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  28. Good Luck Megan, I know it is a very sensitive subject and people say things offhandly not realizing how their words hurt. My sister struggled with infertility as well, yet I was able to get pregnant the first month trying. It is hard on everyone involved.

    After finishing my family I went on to help create two more via surrogacy! Infertility is a silent disease. I will keep you in my thoughts! Baby dust to you SkinnyMeg!

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  29. I do know the pain of infertility. We tried for close to a year with no results. Its devastating each month when you aren't pregnant. Apparently I don't ovulate and I have irregular cycles. I had been on the pill for around 11 years, so I had no idea. When they first checked for ovulation, my number was 0.5. :-( My Dr. prescribed me Clomid and after 1 month my number went up to 28.8! And that first month I got pregnant. I couldn't believe it. I don't look forward to all of that again and I pray its easier the second time around. Praying for you.

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  30. I don't really have any great words of wisdom, and I'm sure you're kind of over hearing all that anyways. I'll just say I think it's great that you can share difficult topics like this one, and I think you are awesome and I'm sending good vibes your way! :)

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  31. I can relate to your story in so many ways, fertility is rough. It's certainly something I took for granted. I got knocked up on the first try with my first and then once we started trying again it took us 5 years to get a successful pregnancy, our kids are 9 years apart which was not our plan but it worked out just like it should. I was diagnosed with PCOS but I just kept pushing to figure my body out. It didn't make sense how it could be so easy the first time and suck so bad the 2nd time. I ended up having an ovarian drilling procedure done where they poked holes in the lining that had covered my ovaries (thank you PCOS) and that was the fix for me. I wish there was a quiz to take where you can see what will work and just do it. I have known quite a few women who got their BFP after the tube dye test, I've heard that dye push will help clear your tubes and sometimes that's all you need. Wouldn't that be great? I feel for you, the struggle is hard, the monthly anticipation can really suck the life out of you but you are a very strong woman. You inspire me daily and I know that if you keep at this it will work, keep fighting. And tell anyone who has the "answer" for you to shut up before they even start talking. Taking a break, standing on your head, stop stressing - pshhh, suck it. I hated advice more than anything because it was basically them telling me it was all in my head and I was keeping myself from getting pregnant. My fingers are crossed for you, I hope those girl parts get on board very quickly so you get your positive!

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  32. Wish I could say something to make it better, but I am so proud of your attitude about the whole thing! Not sure I would be as sunny as you!

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  33. I went through infertility for 3 years and 3 miscarriages, 5 IUI's and who knows what else. I stopped trying and am so much happier. I feel better and am actually healthier now physically and emotionally. I am proud of you for making a hard decision.

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  34. I just started following your blog a few weeks ago and I love it! I can not imagine what it must be like in this situation and I will send you some positive *baby makin* thoughts! You are trying to get preggers and I continue to try not too...I had my son very young, and then became pregnant with my daughter 5 years later while on birth control...so every day I worry that the birth control could fail again. I hope to read a post soon that there is a lil one on the way! :)Kaila from whatidoalldaykr.blogspot.com

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  35. That must really be so hard to go through. I was really lucky in the aspect. I wish you all the best! Your a strong woman! :)

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  36. I completely understand even though I kind of have a different problem than you. I have been trying to get pregnant for like 2 years but I am very much over weight (though I'm trying to do something about that...33lbs down so far YAY!) and I don't ovulate like I'm suppose to due to having polycystic ovarian syndrome. So I understand your frustration. Every DR. I have been to just tell me that I need to loose weight (DUH, like I don't know this). So hang in there and I'll be praying for you...Also you can check out my blog at the following if you would like to: http://soontobefatfree.blogspot.com/

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  37. It's nice to hear your story, Infertility sucks! I have been trying to conceive for over 3 years, we have suffered 3 losses and had 1 chemical pregnancy. I HATE when people tell me to stop trying and it will happen! I know all to well how hard this journey can be, I just wanted to let you know your not alone and I am rooting for you each month! Fingers crossed for you Meg!
    Alexis-

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  38. I am rooting for you girl!!! I know it will happen for you! :)

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  39. I know nothing anybody can say will make you feel better, but I think your attitude is right on! It can take a toll on you when your every waking thought is revolving around your fertility. Sometimes giving yourself permission to not think about it, is the biggest gift and will take an enormous weight off of you!

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  40. Sigh - I am going through the trying process now. It's so damn difficult to stop trying. I did for a month and then blamed myself for not being pregnant because I gave up. It's so hard and my gyno refuses to even think about checking issues until the 12 month mark. Frustrating is an understatement and I hope we both end up with positives soon! :)

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  41. Don't ever give up......plain & simple. It sucks, that's for sure, but if you drop the dream of a second child, you will always wonder what if......good luck ;)

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  42. You are so sweet for sharing such a private part of your life/struggles. When our daughter turned two, we started trying for another, I was a stay at home mom and figured heck why not pop another kid out while I'm at home... EASY, right... WRONG. Took me 2 years to finally get pregnant with my 2nd!! the worst part of my struggle was hearing people tell me.. "stop 'trying', when I stopped trying I got pregnant!!" uh, excuse me, even when I am not consciously thinking about it.. I am thinking about it! SHUT UP!
    I remember feeling guilty for so desperately wanting another baby when I had a perfectly healthy, funny, loving little girl already. UGH, guilt story of my life!
    1st kid, got knocked up 3 months after getting pregnant.
    2nd kid, took me 2 years!!
    3rd kid, accident!
    Go figure!
    Good luck dear Megan... God is good!

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  43. I know how hard this must be for you. Today I just wanted to give you a little encouragement! All three of my kiddos are naturally spaced a little over three years apart. My body just wouldn't get pregnant before that for some odd reason! Lets pray your body has something like this up its sleeve!

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  44. Take advil or tylenol (or stronger, if you have it) before that dye test. I had that, it's no picnic. I had the saline sonogram too. Also less than fun.

    Hang in there. The specialists will help. I was fortunate enough to go to a great specialist with in-house nutritionists and all that jazz.

    Good luck! It will happen. Those specialists are all over it. I'm sorry you had to wait so long to see one!

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  45. I'm sorry it's so hard to go through this. Anyone who tells you to relax or to stop trying so hard hasn't been through it. We tried for 4 years for my daughter and started seeing a specialist about 1.5 years into it. If we hasn't tried so hard we wouldn't have her, I firmly believe it. And she is worh every penny, every needle and every drug I put in my body to make her. I wish you the best on your journey!

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  46. My best friend has been trying for 4 yrs... she has spent a lot of $$ on specialists and all that junk... finally after their dr said advised them chances are less then 10% they started looking into adoption and stopped trying. Anyways within 1 month after they stopped "trying" she got pregnant! :D she is not 8wks and due at the end of nov! :) Their 1st child is now 6 that they were able to conceive without trying! Actually while they were trying not to...! ; P Its crazy how the body works and kinda crappy!!! Best of luck to you and your gorgeous family!!!

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  47. My best friend has been trying for 4 yrs... she has spent a lot of $$ on specialists and all that junk... finally after their dr said advised them chances are less then 10% they started looking into adoption and stopped trying. Anyways within 1 month after they stopped "trying" she got pregnant! :D she is not 8wks and due at the end of nov! :) Their 1st child is now 6 that they were able to conceive without trying! Actually while they were trying not to...! ; P Its crazy how the body works and kinda crappy!!! Best of luck to you and your gorgeous family!!!

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  48. I wish you the best. I have been following your story. You are so blessed to have your amazing little Madison! Hugs, girl.

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  49. Thanks for Sharing your story Meg!You're taking all the right steps. I know what its like, its always another month, seeing another negative, it's something you can't understand until you go through it. I did 4 rounds of clomid so far and same NOTHING! Anyways, we're here for you and we'll pray for you. As they say in TTC forums "BABY DUST".

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  50. Thank you for sharing. I'm sure a lot of women go through very similar circumstances. I'm sure it gets you down sometimes, but you seem to have a very good outlook on things and I admire your strength.

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  51. I know how you feel. I don't wish it on anyone. Clomid is the freakin devil!!! Going to the gyno for a regular check up doesn't faze me anymore I've had so many sticks & probes. Good luck to you!

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  52. Love that you're talking about this on your blog! I'm literally having the same issues. I already have a little girl, and she is now 18 months, I've been trying for 8 months now to get pregnant and It just hasn't happened! I've completely changed my life style at 5 months of trying. I eat healthy, quit drinking... It is so much harder then anyone knows! I also had a cyst removed in the last year. and I just went in a month ago with terrible pains in my lower stomach and they found another one in the same spot. It's devastating news to get. Also I live in the middle of no where and my gyno is 3 hours away. I'm the same with my man too. I'm breaking down on the inside about it and I don't want to stress him out about it. I feel alone, and I'm so thankful you wrote this and I can relate to SOMEONE! THank you. Wishing you all the luck in the world, MEG! I go in next week for another ultra sound to see how fast the cyst is growing.. hoping for good news!

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  53. Good luck. I know what you are going through, been there done that. All the test, Dr. appts and not getting pregnant each month is physically and emotionally draining. Has you DH been checked? Never know, could be him and not you. Good luck and fingers crossed for you!!

    www.tryingforbabys.wordpress.com

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  54. I know how hard this journey is for you, been there done that. All the Dr. appts., tests and not getting pregnant each month is emotionally and physically draining. I send you positive thoughts, don't listen to anyone who says "stop trying and it will happen" or "just relax" That is the worst thing to say to someone in our situations.
    Oh and has you DH been checked? Could be him and not you....just a thought.
    Good luck!

    www.tryingforbabys.wordpress.com

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  55. your story is so much like mine it's kinda freaking me out. I HATE when random people start throwing out assvice to someone they don't know and when they don't know all the details of their medical journey SOOOO I'll apologize in advance for being one of those people, but I have to tell you that after 4 years of infertility treatments and switching RE's a couple times, multiple invasive procedures with no luck, my third RE told me to start taking a baby aspirin every day to help with the lining of my uterus, and bam. That was it. We had tried everything else short of IVF with no luck. Baby aspirin and IUI and got pregnant with my first. Same with my 2nd. By my third, I skipped the RE and tried on our own (no baby asprin) for 2 months. On the third month started taking the baby aspirin and got pregnant.
    Again, I hate that I'm being one of those people but felt like I had to throw it out there so if you hadn't tried it, you could mention to your doctor. Best of luck and you're in my thoughts. I remember those years like they were yesterday. :(

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  56. So I have been reading you blog and following you on Instagram for a while but I never comment!!!That is till now!I loved you dress yesterday btw. I am in the same boat as you(well minus the surgery and well my cycles are long like 50+ days). After a year of bs with the obgyn and Clomid I have finally moved onto a RE where I had to wait a month(well a cycle for 50+ fricken days) for testing, a month for a chicken pox vaccine (total bs) but I guess my parents neglected me and didn't get me vaccinated and my RE requires it... I mean they test you for EVERYTHING! A month for the dye test, which don't google it, unless you want to hear over dramatic women crying about how much it hurt (which it didn't/sorry if yours does!)Then I had to wait a month because I agreed to go to Vegas on a bachelorette party and it just so happened I would be ovulating right in the middle of the trip. Then that leaves us here and now (18 months later)where I am waiting for AF to arrive where I can finally start some new medication and finally get shit started haha!! But now you have heard my whole life story I will get to the point!! I feel like every month will be my month too!! You have to or you will go BAT SHIT CRAZY!! Good luck girl! O and my friend got prego right after her dye test (they say it can help clean out some shiz in your tubes haha) not sure how much of that is true but next month will be OUR month!!

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  57. Hey lady...I'm pretty sure commented on my blog a while back, and my heart broke for you when I learned you are struggling with the same shit we are. We are 21 months (21 looooong cycles) into this process. We've had three failed IUIs. It blows ass. I don't want to give unsolicited advice, but (I will anyway...) have you done a full work up on Oliver? We are dealing with male factor infertility, and it floored us to learn it was his issue causing us to not get pregnant. We still don't know why he is "broken", so much like you, it's frustrating not knowing how we can fix it. Hang in there. It has to get better, right?

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  58. Megan, I can empathize with you. Tim and I tried for baby #2 for nearly 2 years before it finally happened. We saw fertility doctors for a year and voila, one month with the help of medicine for me and Tim, it happened. We'll never know if it was nature or the IUI that we had, but one way or another, I'm six weeks from having this baby and I'm SO THANKFUL. It will happen when the time is right. It was so difficult telling myself that over and over and praying that the next month was our month etc, but it'll happen. Just keep going girl!! :)

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  59. Awww..I have hope for you (if that helps). I was at the gyno yesterday too(what are the odds!!). Just found out I have to get a hysterectomy VERY soon. ugh the pain of being female sometimes.
    Maybe this will take you saying " I'm done with it" to make things happen. You never know :)

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  60. Of course you should think next month is your month! Praying for you to get preggo! I love pregnant women...they are just too damn cute and they make really cute preggo clothes! Ok...I maybe a bit obsessed. lol <3 you! ;)

    samiciaccio - Instagram
    survivingmarriagemotherhoodandmyself.blogspot.com

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  61. You go girl for sharing! Keep us updated and I'll be sending good karma your way!

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  62. Just wanted to say thank you so much for your blog and how honest you are wih everythng! I send you baby dust...lol. But really I usually don't comment but I do read your blog faithfully and wish you the best. You have motivated me to get my body back after 5 babies.

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  63. just leaving you a love note to let you know I'm thinking about you! love that you are willing to share your life with us all to help and inspire others:)

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  64. Dudette! I'm with you on the "stop trying and it will happen" crap. I swore that the next a-hole that made that comment was going to get throat chopped.

    My husband and I ran through all the tests and nothing was "wrong" with either of us...but nothing happened either. We did two rounds of IUI and that was probably my least favorite things ever. Jamming a needle in my gut everyday and sending him into the collection rom with their array of robot porn videos. We're in Alaska, so our immediate fertility options are limited.

    We finally decided to adopt and we were just placed with a baby girl two weeks ago. Plus, I've vowed never to pee on a stick again. :)

    And good luck on the dye test - it hurts like a bitch, but hopefully it will reveal something...or nothing. :)

    Hang in there and keep your head up! Best of luck to you! :)

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  65. I'm sure you guys have already done this.. but have you also had Oliver checked out? When we were having problems, finally a year later we got permission to see a specialist the first thing they did was check us both, our blood and a cup of you know what from him.. Found out his count was extremely extremely low. We're both in our early 20's so we knew something was up when it wasn't happening quickly.. They gave him some shots to take and a month later BAM I was prego! If you haven't already ruled him out I would see if they can test him out too? Good luck with this month!! fingers crossed I know what the let down every month feels like too :)

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  66. awwwww Meg, my heart breaks for ya! What a year you have been through! It will happen hon, I'll pray that next month IS YOUR MONTH! You are such a good person, you only deserve good things in return! Just keep on do'in it, do'in it! ;)

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  67. Sitting at my desk at lunch with nothing to do thought why not check in on Megan's Blog. Great post! Very inspirational. Love the positive attitude. Just keep your head up. When the time is right it will happen. Keeping my fingers crossed for you that next month is your month.

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  68. I love you lady!!!!! That is all...

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  69. Kudos to you for sharing this.

    I'm glad you found a doctor you like and hope they can figure out the right plan for you!



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  70. I was right where you were. Exactly how I felt..I was 30 when I got married and I thought for sure, we would start a family right away as I wasn't getting any younger..my eggs were getting old haa. 2 months in nothing 3 and 6 and 9 still nothing. Nothing hurts more then not being able to do the one thing a woman should do. I felt defeated, sad and alone. All my friends had babies much younger and no one had any issues getting pregnant. I do believe the internet may be the enemy when you are looking for answers you really don't want to hear. Since I was older, my dr recommended a infertility dr. Same issues, dye test, blood test, clomid the whole thing. Still nothing. At a year an a half, I went to see an endocrinologist as they were concerned about my thyroid. She put me on Metformin. I was still seeing the Infertility dr and at this point was doing IUI treatments. They never figured out what was wrong with me, which again is very frustrating. Attempt number 5 of IUI I said to my husband, I just cant do this anymore, It pains me to say, I finally was at peace with not having children. Sad but I was at that point. That's all, I was waiting for my usual call of "nope didn't work again this month"those poor nurses that have to call you and tell you that. But I remember the call, sitting at my desk and it was 2 min before I was leaving...getting ready to go...I almost missed that call that changed my life. I couldn't breath...Called my husband immediately and I heard him cry. I had NEVER heard or seen him cry. My beautiful, perfect daughter was born 5 years ago in June. I still thank god for her everyday. She saved me at a time that was very hard for me and my husband. Infertility does a number on your marriage as well. On to 4 years later. I stopped taking birthcontrol as I had no need since I couldn't get pregnant. My monthly visits got fewer and far between which was fine with me honestly. We knew we would only have one child cause I was sure as shit I would never ever go through all that again. I was seeing my OB to discuss a hysterectomy. Was all set to get everything taken out..had surgery for a cyst they found they had to take care of before the surgery, not sure why if everything was coming out anyway. Went for my pre-op all of it. I was feeling great for a couple weeks, not unusual but worried me a bit. I just kept feeling like I was going to be sick. So on the way to work one day, I stopped to get ginger ale and a I grabbed a pregnancy test comically really. As years prior I should have bought stock in them. Went to work, worked the day blah blah blah forgot all about the pregnancy test in my purse...the end of the day I remembered and hit up the bathroom. I did the deed and as soon as I pulled it back up...I could see it...a positive result OMG I about fell over and knew it wasn't right. Called my dr, they got me in that day and did a blood test. She came in and said...well yes you are pregnant...just like that matter of factly...I was in shock..I didn't hear anything after that. We had already gotten rid of all of my daughters baby things as like I said we were done. I got in the car and cried and cried....again called my husband...I said I never in a million years thought I would be calling you again to say this...Im pregnant....SILENCE...nothing...then I heard it...sobs...god I love that man. He said im on my way home now. And there you have it...my baby girl will be a year in 2 weeks....at the age of 39. I have the two babies I had dreamed of and had seen in my head for as long as I could remember. Perfect, beautiful, healthy girls. All my dreams came true.
    I wish you luck in everything you are going through. No one can say the right thing to you, not at this moment. Know one knows but you. Stay strong...Remember this is just a day in your wonderful life and someday will make a great story to tell your children. Take it each day. Just get through each of them one at a time. And know your not alone.

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  71. I'm going thru the exact same thing right now! It's been 14 months and nothing. I obsessively search the internet for ways to improve the situation on my own but nothing seems to help. Tomorrow is my first consult with the fertility doctor, wish me luck! How long did it take you to get pregnant the first time?

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  72. I can so relate. After having my daughter, we tried for 6.5 years to get pregnant again. No dice. Went to the doctor every 6 months or so until finally I had all the fertility testing done by a specialist who said, there is nothing wrong with you except PCOS. After all that time and tears and frustration...hubby and I had a come to Jesus and decided we didn't even want a second child anymore and had only been trying because its what everyone else in our lives wanted for us. That was a year ago. Good luck to you and thanks for being open to share your story!

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  73. I have a very similar fertility story as you - no problem getting knocked up the first time, tried forever the second time. My luteal phase was actually too long rather than too short. I had the dye test and got pregnant that cycle as many people do because it sort of flushes your tubes at the same time. Anyway, my girls are 4.5 years apart which I didn't want because I thought they wouldn't be close friends but at age 7 & 2.5 they are very close and I'm happy with the way everything turned out, if only I could have KNOWN from the beginning it would be ok and not have to wait forever for it to happen.

    Something my doctor told me from the very beginning that always helped on hard days was "we KNOW you can get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby, and you WILL do it again"

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  74. I can't imagine going through that Megan. Hang in there!

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  75. You are an amazingly strong woman. What would make most people bitter and angry has made you stronger, determined, and given you faith. You continue to inspire me each and every day! Prayers to you and yours!

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  76. This is so heartbreaking, Megan. I just said a prayer for you. I'm so glad you have sweet Madison! Keep praying about it!! :)

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  77. You're in my thoughts. I've been exactly where you are, had all the tests, etc. I have PCOS (Polysystic Ovarian Syndrome). My husband and I did injcectibles last year and hoped to do IUI 3 times, but never quite got there because I produced wayyyyy too many eggs and they shut me down. Which was horrible on my body.

    Everytime someone would tell me to stop trying, I literally wanted to punch them in the throat. Sure, you can get knocked up by sneezing and your telling me to stop trying?!?! I got to where I didn't even bring it up anymore.

    My husband and I tried for 3 years, i Started working on my health, lost 45 pounds, started taking Vitex and Maca, then we decided to adopt...lost a baby we were adopting (Birth Mom changed her mind hours after delivering) and then a month later we conceived. I don't know how it happened, but I'll take it.

    You're in my thoughts! Sending you happy thoughts and love!

    Oh yeah, and those chicks on Baby Center and other Ferility websites are street RAT crazy! (not all, but quite a few)

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  78. You are so strong to be sharing this story! I have been struggling to get pregnant for almost two years now. It is a long hard process and I tend to keep things to myself because I get tired of everyone's comments/opinion. You have been an inspiration to me and many others. I wish you nothing but the best! You and I both will get through this!!! I just know it!

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  79. Just remember everything is in God's timing. He has a plan for our lives that is far greater than what we could ever plan for ourselves. He knows your heart. When the time is right you'll get pregnant. Praying for you! ♥

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  80. I can't imagine what you're going through. My sister tried for years and it broke my heart to see her go through that. But, she's pregnant and due in October! Prayers for you. It'll happen! <3

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  81. Next month is your month!!! Keep on truckin'!!

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  82. Thanks for sharing. It's good to know there are other women out there who are having the same issue and that I'm not alone. My husband and I having been trying for almost 6 years for our 1st child. I know all the emotions you are going through. It stinks but I am a stronger women because of it. But it does right out SUCK! I am forever clinging to the hope of one day having our own child. I WILL NOT GIVE UP! YOU EITHER!!!

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  83. My husband and I have been trying for our 1st child for almost 6 years now. I know what you are going through and it stinks! I will forever cling to the hope of one day having our own child but until then all this completely SUCKS!! But I REFUSE to give up!!! Hope it happens for you soon!

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  84. I'm sorry hon. I know the feeling. It took us 18 months and 4 miscarriages before we got pregnant with Savannah.,.

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  85. Long time lurker here and I love your blog.
    I have a few friends dealing with almost the same thing and one just gave up the dream completely and several months later ended up pregnant. The other, not. Bodies are funny things and it sucks that you can't make it do what you want. I wish you the best and hope one day you will get the best surprise ever :)

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  86. I love how candid you are.
    I know it's not easy to just put your va jay jay's life story out there!
    When my sister was about to have this same procedure I told her " if God wants ya to have a baby he's gonna put on in ya".
    So there.
    Whats meant to be & all that. :)
    I'm sure you have heard this a million times.
    Keep that pretty blonde head up giiiiiirl.
    Much love!

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  87. I love how candid you are.
    I know it's not easy to just put your va jay jay's life story out there!
    When my sister was about to have this same procedure I told her " if God wants ya to have a baby he's gonna put on in ya".
    So there.
    Whats meant to be & all that. :)
    I'm sure you have heard this a million times.
    Keep that pretty blonde head up giiiiiirl.
    Much love!

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  88. Next month!!!!! I will say a prayer that one of these next months is YOUR month momma!!!!!!

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  89. My husband and I have ttc for 3 yrs now. We have went to a fertility dr and had one round of iui and it did not take. My husband will be done with school this summer, so we will pick things up again as far as dr appts and all. I will deff be thinking about ya and hope next month is your month!!

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  90. Meg, I'm just starting the baby-making journey right now (4 months in) and already feeling the pressure/stress/disappointment/anxiety/insanity of it all. I hope you have found your happy place and I hope next month is OUR month :) Good luck sweety...you rock :)

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  91. As someone struggling with infertility as well I can completely understand this posting! I have PCOS, so not only am I struggling with infertility but also losing weight to boost my chances and regulate my hormones. It is so much fun.. NOT!! People who have had kids are always quick to say it will happen when you calm down or stop trying or when it is time to happen.. so frustrating! My fingers are crossed for you (and myself).. next month!!!!

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  92. I also went through a lot of fertility testing and treatments. I think it is awesome that you made the choice to "stop trying." I wish I would have done that too. I lost a lot of time obsessing over gettting pregnant. My life revolved around my menstrual cycle. That is so sad. It can get very overwhelming and it is not something you can control at all. Good luck with the dye test. Both of my pregnancies happened after a dye test. Something about pushing scar tissue out of the tube. But don't worry about that. Live your life!

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  93. I'm a firm believer that everything happens when it should. You're a wonderful, fun loving mother and you are definitely ment to have another child!! You were just ment to motivate us all to get off our butts for the last year first! ;-)

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  94. I really hope next month is your month! We went through secondary infertility after the loss of our first pregnancy and it felt like forever when we finally got pregnant. Waiting is the hardest part.

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  95. When I was pregnant with my son I was a member of one of those birth clubs! Oh man, so much drama!!

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  96. I too struggled with unexplained secondary IF. It took us 18 months and finally IVF to get my son. The struggle was so hard, especially since we had no issue conceiving mu daughter,

    Hang in there. No one else is on the same journey, so dont listen to their advice. Listen to your heart and your doctor.

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  97. Fortunately I never had fertility issues so I cannot relate on this topic, but I can pray for you & your family! God always has a plan! XOXO
    Brooklyn- browneyedgem.com

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  98. the HSG dye test was something i freaked myself over so much. but i think it might have been our game changer. after having surgeries and waiting many months ourselves. its all hard. and even more so, it frankly just sucks. sucks the fun out of it all and sucks the life right outta you. YOU are awesome though and i will be thinking of you daily sending you all happy positive babe thoughts! xox

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  99. My fertility is exactly what got me started blogging. I hope he comes up with a good plan and it works right away.

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  100. Damn the clomid! That's what thinned your lining. Little side effect they fail to mention.

    Ek, I know that 'this is the month" feeling all too well.

    Best of luck, the tube test isn't too bad, cramping is over before you know it.

    You are going to get tired of me saying this, but give acupuncture a try. It gets to the route of the problem. I had physical changes (not just a baby inside me) that made me a believer.

    Don't stop doing all this other stuff, but give it a try as you go through all this other testing.

    Just don't stop trying.

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  101. I just started reading Mama Laughlin's blog and decided to pop over here to read yours and this was the post that was up.
    I know exactly the discomfort your feeling in that photo. Been there done that.

    Infertility is a cruel bitch. My husband and I had tried for 7 years. It gets so tiring the month after month, over analyzing, hoping, and the the disappointment and feeling of being worthless. The one thing that you should be able to do when you choose, you can't, it's depressing.

    I have finely found out that I have a blocked tube and that I don't Ovulate on my own and when I do Ovulate I mostly do it on the blocked side. Honestly I could probably get pregnant with meds. but I just can't afford anymore. Insurance doesn't pay for any of it. I've just come the realization that it may never happen and that I can't live my whole "young" life in constant disappointment. If it happens it happens and I will be grateful but if it don't I will be the best damn Aunt ever.

    I hope you get your baby. Stay strong!!!

    Love your blog!!!

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  102. Thank you for sharing your story! My husband and I have been married for nearly 9 years now. I was on BC for the first year and then no more! At first it was, if it happens it happens! Then it was, alright we are ready! And then it turned into, okay what is going on???!!! My husband was in the military so deployments made some years tough, but still, we knew something was wrong. I definitely knew something was wrong because I had terribly irregular cycles. Sometimes I am 28 days on the dot but I've gone as long as 90 some days. I think my average cycle length is around 45 days. I finally went to my gyno while my husband was on his last deployment thinking maybe we could figure something out while he was gone because when he returned we would be on shore duty and it'd be the perfect time to have a baby. Well she was convinced that all I need to do was go back on BC for the 7 months he was gone to reset my body. So I did. And when he came home we moved across the country and I stopped BC and no dice. My cycles were still screwed up. So I got a referral to a fertility clinic and both myself and my husband got the full work up. As it turns out I have poly cystic ovaries and my husbands semen is "thick" enough to limit the motility of his sperm. I went on femara (took a few cycles to get the dosage right) and when I finally had some follicles growing we did an IUI since that is our best shot.... But it didn't work. And then life threw curveballs our way (my husbands discharge from the military, my half brother needing a forever home, etc) and now it's been almost 2 years since our failed IUI. And you are so correct - even after 8 years of nothing but heartbreak, my heart still aches everytime my period starts.

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  103. Thank you for sharing your story! My husband and I have been married for nearly 9 years now. I was on BC for the first year and then no more! At first it was, if it happens it happens! Then it was, alright we are ready! And then it turned into, okay what is going on???!!! My husband was in the military so deployments made some years tough, but still, we knew something was wrong. I definitely knew something was wrong because I had terribly irregular cycles. Sometimes I am 28 days on the dot but I've gone as long as 90 some days. I think my average cycle length is around 45 days. I finally went to my gyno while my husband was on his last deployment thinking maybe we could figure something out while he was gone because when he returned we would be on shore duty and it'd be the perfect time to have a baby. Well she was convinced that all I need to do was go back on BC for the 7 months he was gone to reset my body. So I did. And when he came home we moved across the country and I stopped BC and no dice. My cycles were still screwed up. So I got a referral to a fertility clinic and both myself and my husband got the full work up. As it turns out I have poly cystic ovaries and my husbands semen is "thick" enough to limit the motility of his sperm. I went on femara (took a few cycles to get the dosage right) and when I finally had some follicles growing we did an IUI since that is our best shot.... But it didn't work. And then life threw curveballs our way (my husbands discharge from the military, my half brother needing a forever home, etc) and now it's been almost 2 years since our failed IUI. And you are so correct - even after 8 years of nothing but heartbreak, my heart still aches everytime my period starts.

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  104. I'm praying for you girl!!! I went through infertility with my middle child & it is ROUGH...to say the least!!! I truly hope next month is your month & I can't wait to see Skinny Meg all cute & pregnant!!!

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  105. Hang in there! I had a friend who went through 9 years of trying, 2 miscarriages, and a doctor who told her it was impossible for her to have kids. And lord and behold she's had two beautiful sons.

    I gave her a tip, and she says that it totally worked! I have PCOS so I don't get knocked up easily. But each one of my kids were conceived at 4:00 in the morning. So before you get up for one of your 5am workouts, you need to wake up your husband for his. :)

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  106. I'm praying for you girl!!! I went through infertility with my middle child (& only my middle child--weird!!!) I know it is ROUGH...to say the least!!! I TRULY hope that next month IS YOUR MONTH!!! You give so much to so many people you don't even personally know & you deserve happiness!!! I can't wait to see Skinny Meg all cute & pregnant!!

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  107. I'm so glad that you're able to share this freely. My husband and I are are in the same boat right now. We had our little guy within a month of trying, but now he's 3, I've had one miscarriage, and we're on month 7 of trying. I have an appointment with the gyno next week. Fingers crossed. After reading your story, I don't feel so weird anymore.

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  108. Hi Meg. Its so amazing that you are able to be so open about your situations. My sister wasnt able to get pregnant after her second baby either. It took her almost 5 years but now we have a beautiful baby nephew. Keep trying it will happen! Praying for you!! XOXO

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  109. So sorry ...this is worst cycle of life. It literally consumes you, or did me and every other friend I've had...if it takes more than a month...it's takes us over. I had similar issue getting preggers with my second. 6 months in called doc and he brought me in...we chose femara (bc it was smaller chance of producing multiples) waited 1 month bc I had preterm labor issues with first and my hubs wanted to get through duck season before I was due...lol! First month on femara...bam finally ovulated, finally pregnant. Sick AS.A.DOG!! Hubs joked that he knew why I was so sick...bc it was two! Cute irritated wife! On to doc visit solo for first OB visit....HA...well well well what do you know. Infertile me had two babies growing! 16 months after their birth I'm telling you this story! ����hang in there. I was also majorly devastated about having twins! I wanted only ONE more KID! Cue Zoloft after they arrived 32w6d and 25 days NICU. It's better now and boy do I love them but honestly it early killed me. I wanted another baby sooo badly and I was pissed bc God changed MY (control freak) plan!

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  110. Ugh typed this long comment and was thrown out by friggin google! That beotch!
    Pretty sure my birth story is one of few things in my blog...I suck as keeping it up.
    Had similar story. Ended up taking femara around 8 months in...now I have 16 month of twins������. I was angry god changed my plan. I was on hospitsl bedrest...during christmas...Rode Effing scooter whenwe tookour 4 year old to disney! They were hard and still are demanding of my time and suck life out of me. I had postpartum depression, required Zoloft for a year. Now I'm still trying to loose the 25 lbs I was hanging onto when I finally got pregnant with them. I trained for and ran my first half marathon while trying to get pregnant...etc etc etc...hang in there. Fertility issues seriously consume us...no matter what. Only want to know your body is to obsess over it. As much as I wanted another baby...I was so angry God gave me two...and it was hard not to believe i did it to myself bc it wasn't happening!

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  111. Hysterosalpingogram (sp?) we tried two years to get preggo with our first, got knocked up the month after we had that done. Good Luck Chickie, Infertility sucks balls :(

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  112. Nice to hear your story..It is an inspiration to all the couples who are struggling with infertility

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  113. Hey Meg! I've been "stalking" your blog for awhile and you are a huge inspiration to me! I really wanted to share a story of a really good friend of mine that also struggled with Infertility with PCOS....This video is her story and the Ultimate Reset changed her life and helped her have healthy twin boys!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMZ5__3r9NU

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  114. Look at you now! Congratulations Mama! xo

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  115. I totally know what you mean! I am an infertile, had an ectopic pregnancy which led me to having 2 surgeries to remove both tubes... months later and a successful IVF I have my miracle baby!!!
    Congrats on being preggos with #2

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  116. My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email;fertilitysolutiontemple@live.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that she we either conceive in January 2013 or February 2013,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr.BABA Because he predictions put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: ;fertilitysolutiontemple@live.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine.

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  118. My name is Brown Mark and am from USA,let me share this testimony to the world to hear about him too this man really exit I was HIV positive over 6year I have being in medication and I try to look for cure to my problem and I go through internet doctor and I found a tradition named DR. CAFAI i contacted cafaispiritualtemple@yahoo.com for help he give me all his laws and rule that if I get cured I should write about him and that is what am doing now, this man ask for some information about me, which I give him this man cure me from HIV what a great man thank for your help when he get the information he told me that he is about to work on it 20 to 30 minute this man email me and told me what to do for the curing which I did after all the things needed for the cure is provide the man call me in 45mins later and tell me to go for test what a great day to me I was negative thanks Dr CAFAi you can through his email address,cafaispiritualtemple@yahoo.com or his phone number +234 7067607073

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  119. My name is Brown Mark and am from USA,let me share this testimony to the world to hear about him too this man really exit I was HIV positive over 6year I have being in medication and I try to look for cure to my problem and I go through internet doctor and I found a tradition named DR. CAFAI i contacted cafaispiritualtemple@yahoo.com for help he give me all his laws and rule that if I get cured I should write about him and that is what am doing now, this man ask for some information about me, which I give him this man cure me from HIV what a great man thank for your help when he get the information he told me that he is about to work on it 20 to 30 minute this man email me and told me what to do for the curing which I did after all the things needed for the cure is provide the man call me in 45mins later and tell me to go for test what a great day to me I was negative thanks Dr CAFAi you can through his email address,cafaispiritualtemple@yahoo.com or his phone number +234 7067607073

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  120. with gladness in my heart after 2failed ivf and 11 years of trying and loss of hope ashra was able to use powerful spiritual spell to make me conceive and gave birth to a twins both a boy and a girl , am happy for the joy in my life, my advice to others out there is instead of wasting thousands of dollars on ivf and treatment contact ashra for a cleanse and a pregnancy spell, ashra will certainly help you out ,there is no harm in trying contact ashra on email: ashraspelltemple@gmail.com or call +2348058176311 today xxx

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