3.28.2013

More than being Skinny

Weight loss for me has been more than shedding pounds. I've shed fear and self doubt. It's been more than a journey on a scale, I've actually discovered myself. I feel like I'm who I should be now and not just because I fit into a size 6.

Weight gain for me has been mostly emotional. The first time I really remember feeling 'fat' was in high school, my parents had just uprooted me from a place I loved and all my friends to move from Ohio to Texas. I was pissed, I was scared, I was depressed. I didn't want to leave me friends and I sure in the hell didn't want to go to a new school. To make it even worse we moved from a tiny tiny town to a huge city, I had no place. I used to come home and drown my sorrows in a pan of brownies.
My teenage years were not fun.

Things got slightly better when I was in my mid twenties, I moved in with Oliver and we FINALLY got engaged and married. {That only took 8 years!} Then right around the time I got pregnant with Madison I lost my job. It was pretty devastating, I felt lost and very very unhappy. I didn't really have any close friends and the ones I did have at work I lost touch with, probably because I wanted to stay home and eat. I didn't have a college degree, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and my days stretched out seeming empty and pointless. So I ate. 

I had to do SOMETHING after Madison was born, I could feel my depression overwhelming me. I can feel myself getting choked up now, I was not the happy new mom. So I went back to school, this was also the time I started working out and trying to lose weight. 

Running saved my sanity. I'll be honest, it's surprising to me that I became a runner, I usually hate being by myself. I'm happiest around other people, but running gave me purpose. I can't tell you how PROUD I felt of myself every time I pushed myself a little further. For those first few semesters of school I would run every morning before class, it gave me that feeling like I could accomplish anything.  The day I had to apply to UTD I was so nervous I went and ran 12 miles before going, my first time ever. 

The healthier I got the more I thought, I can freaking DO this. I can finish school. I can do these seemingly impossible classes. Hello, database anyone?? Ugh.  It wasn't feeling skinny that gave me confidence it was the sense of accomplishment I got from getting healthy. 

I haven't delt with any of my depression issues since I started this journey, yes I've had stresses and problems, but I KNOW that I have the strength to deal with them. That's why even though I'm frustrated with my infertility I don't get depressed about it. 

I know I post a lot of pictures of myself where I'm probably flexing and maybe that seems conceited to you, but I'm just happy. I'm happy with myself, I'm happy with my life, I'm happy with my body however imperfect those things may be. If you can't see the joy in most of my pictures than your completely missing the point. 

I'm grateful I found my way in life, there were times I didn't think I would. I'm grateful that somehow I found the courage to do things I was scared to do. I'm grateful that I continue to make healthy decisions because I want to stay being this Megan. It only took me 30ish years to find her.


It's my party and I'll wear chevron if I want to.

Love,
SkinnyMeg

87 comments:

  1. Great post!
    What an amazing journey! I am currently down 40 lbs since having my son in July and I am working on losing 40 more.
    You are such an inspiration!

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  2. There's no shame in being proud of what you've accomplished. You EARNED it!!! I'll look at those flex pics as long as you keep posting them. It motivates me to push harder, make healthy choices, and to just keep going. I can't tell you how many times I said,"I'll do better next week. My diet starts Monday" And all I did was gain more and become more upset with myself. I can totally relate with the depression. I've struggled with it for the last year and a half since my son was born. I've been to prideful or stubborn or whatever to admit it. But reading your blog and keeping up with you and Mama L has changed my thinking, and my life.

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  3. Thank you for this! I started running when my now 2 year old was 9 months old. For months before that, I just walked, almost as much as I run now. I realized she needed me to be around for longer than my current lifestyle was letting me. That was 57# ago. Reading this has resparked my dwindling light. I too can do it! Thank you!!

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  4. Really good post Meg! I love this - and of course you are just AWESOME!

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  5. Flex away girl, you deserve it! :) Glad you found Megan, she is pretty damn cool!

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  6. Haha I love your chevron comment and good for you for working so hard through it all, you can post whatever pics you want as a result : ) I am realizing that when I started this journey to simply get into a bikini again after my two children it has turned into a way of life not just a temporary diet. I am less tired, I handle situations with my husband better, I sleep better etc and it is becoming addicting quickly!

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  7. What an amazing, inspiring post. Thank you, thank you, thank you. These few words did so much for me today. All of your posts are gre.at, but this one spoke to me on an incredibly deep level. Thank you for baring yourself to us

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  8. What an amazing, inspiring post. Thank you, thank you, thank you. These few words did so much for me today. All of your posts are gre.at, but this one spoke to me on an incredibly deep level. Thank you for baring yourself to us

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  9. I just started following your blog and I love it! I lost 125 over the past 18 months from gastric bypass and a LOT of exercise and diet changes. I wanted to say since the first post I read you were posting pics of yourself at the gym and flexing and girl- GO FOR IT!
    1) It's your blog!
    2) You look awesome
    3) You've worked hard, be proud and show it!

    Look forward to reading more!!

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  10. I love, love, love this post. And can so relate.

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  11. You're an inspiration Meg, and you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone! Keep smiling, flexing and taking pics. Sometimes in life it doesn't matter what you do, the haters will keep on hatin' - but who gives a sh*t about them anyway! People are just jealous because they don't have the guts to go balls to the wall and get it done like you have. All the people you motivate will keep on reading and checking out your flex breaks, that's the most important thing. You are fit and healthy and inspiring others, myself included!!! Your daughter is lucky to have such a great role model!!!

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  12. You are amazing! Thank you so much for all of your inspiration. 40 pounds down for me, and every time I feel like giving up your blog is the first place I go. Then I usually just end up going for a run instead :) Please keep it up and please keep posting your flexing pictures!! They keep me, and I'm sure tons of other women, excited about progress!!

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  13. You rock and are so inspirational - reading this makes me want to run before my kettlebell class tonight and then after!!! Way to go so proud of you and think you're amazing :)

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  14. So proud of you! I would be posting pics like crazy too! You have every reason to! Your journey helps me and others. Please don't stop!

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  15. This post is so awesome! I'm glad you post pics so when you're feeling down you'll be able to see what an awesome, bad ass chick you really are :D

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  16. What a a great post, Megan. I love your blog. You are just so uplifting and encouraging. I hope to one day have the confidence and self love that you have. It's inspiring.

    Emily
    Myunchartedterritory.blogspot.com

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  17. I don't think you or mamalaughlin should have to apologize for, or better yet explain why you like to take pictures of yourselves. I don't understand people's negativity, when following you is optional! I know I can speak for myself that seeing pictures of the end result of a lot of hard work and struggle (not to mention your never ending positivity) help people like me who are just beginning their journey know that there is hope.

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  18. Toot your horn girl! You earned that right. I love seeing your selfies and I totally get why you post them. I love that you are happy and energetic, enthusiastic, and that you want the rest of us to just get on board. Thank you for that because that is MAJOR motivation for me.
    Have a great day!

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  19. Thank you do much! You are an inspiration everyday. This blog entry brought tears to my eyes!!! <3

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  20. I'm an emotional eater! I know exactly what that mess feels like. You are absolutely right about being able to deal with life better when you're taking care of yourself. No brownies needed!!

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  21. I really needed to read this today, Megan! You have no clue what those empowering paragraphs meant to me even though it was about you! My 2 young girls ages 2 & 3 take ALOT out of me, especially with my 3 year olds health conditions. But I am struggling to find my inner beauty and my place in life. This helped me know that it's not just me...I'm one of many women who struggle and I can' be selfish and use my darling Ryley's health conditions be my excuse to not go run like I used to and enjoy my "Me" time! Thank you! And I'm so glad I got your inspiration to not only make me laugh but help me find my way too! By the way, I love the look of "yeah I just kicked this workouts, ass!" look in this pic! haha!
    Rock on, girlfriend! <3

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  22. Your story sounds similar to mine. I want to get to that place where I love myself as well and truly be free. Thanks for being an inspiration to me.

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  23. Amazing post today Megan! Getting healthy and fit is about so much more than just being "skinny" and you prove that each and every day. Your story is empowering and inspirational. Thanks so much for continuing to share your life! Flex it for Chevron lady! WOOP WOOP!

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  24. Girl you definitely don't look conceited in your selfies, you do look happy and it inspires me :)

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  25. You are such am inspiration! And I completely get the feeling of accomplishment. I call running my therapy it's free it's me and the road(no dread mill in my life). No matter if its cold, hot, 2 inches or 2 feet of snow I go. That amazing feeling is what gets me through the sleep deprived days or stresses in my life and when I'm feeling like I can't I read your blog. Because I know if you can do it I can to! Thank you so much for your openess and "real ness". I don't like fake and I feel like you out it all out there. Thank you!!! You have no idea how much you've helped me:)

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  26. I am in this same place right now. I cried reading this, this morning. I have lost my job, have no idea what I want to do with my life and yes, suffer from depression and eat to feel better. My 3yo son means the world to me and my husband and I have decided that enough is enough. Following you, Mama and Mel has made me realize I can do this. There are people out there who have done it and dammit, so can I. You are a huge inspiration and I am so thankful for your honesty and compassion. I am also blogging my journey to becoming a better person, wife, mother and runner. I hope I can one day inspire people the way you do. Thank you for everything. PS - I never get tired of your picrures!!! Sami - samiciaccio on Instagram :)

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  27. I am in this same place right now. I cried reading this, this morning. I have lost my job, have no idea what I want to do with my life and yes, suffer from depression and eat to feel better. My 3yo son means the world to me and my husband and I have decided that enough is enough. Following you, Mama and Mel has made me realize I can do this. There are people out there who have done it and dammit, so can I. You are a huge inspiration and I am so thankful for your honesty and compassion. I am also blogging my journey to becoming a better person, wife, mother and runner. I hope I can one day inspire people the way you do. Thank you for everything. PS - I never get tired of your picrures!!! Sami - samiciaccio on Instagram :)

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  28. Your the BOMB! Keep doing you!
    Brooklyn- browneyedgem.com

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  29. I'm glad you found the Megan you love being!! That's great, and a reason why most, if not all, of us love ya!!

    On a side note:: What was your teeny town in Ohio?!

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  30. I LOVE this post! You radiate joy in your pictures! If people can't see that, they're blind. Thank you for inspiring us daily.

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  31. You're amazing. And I love seeing your pictures! Even if there are 1,000 a day. Because you're happy. And seeing that pushing myself like you push yourself can do- it keeps me motivated. Gotta be honest- in the middle of my workout yesterday when I wanted to quit, I thought "Meg and Mama would be disappointed." So I didn't. Thanks! Because you rock. :)

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  32. You have no idea how much of an inspiration to me you are! Your before pics look almost just like my current ones. I have 2 small kids and my 8 year old seems to be going down the same path I did, and I refuse to let that happen! Thank you so much for putting yourself out there for all of us! PS...I don't look at your flexing as conceited, hell, if I looked like you I would just walk around naked;)

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  33. I think working out helps me to forget about my fertility problems...lately I have lost sight of that and have just been pouting. Thanks for reminding me of this! Glad you feel so awesome. Keep on flexin' sister! :)

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  34. So happy for you! Thanks for posting that! I needed it more than you could know.

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  35. I just love you! You make me want to run. You inspire me to push myself harder every day. Loved this post.

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  36. Thanks for sharing your story with all of us. It is encouraging to see where you have come from and how far you have gone... Today's post really inspired me cause I'm starting my journey now and I am also in school and trying to focus but maybe if I take my stress out in the gym then I can better focus! :)

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  37. Great post! I feel like we have similar stories :) Is that shirt from Firedaughter?

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  38. Great post! Things I need to hear since I am stuck in a rut on the weight loss and fertility triain too.

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  39. This post today made so many things "click" in my head. I was in tears by the end, not from what you wrote about your journey but from what you made me realize about my own journey with what you wrote. Thank you for sharing this today.

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  40. You are amazing and such an inspiration!

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  41. Good for you! You should be proud of yourself! You look great and are fit and healthy!

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  42. i don't see a conceited woman in those pictures....i see a proud woman. keep on taking them and keep on posting them! it's good for you, it's good for us and in the long run, it'll be good for little miss M to have such a strong, proud, healthy mom.

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  43. What an amazing journey you have had! You are an inspiration! I also needed to hear. I have so fixated on the scale number, I think I just need to get healthy and fit more so than the number!

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  44. Great post...like that is anything new! You have this wonderful way of connecting to people and maybe we can't relate to every single part but there is always something that I can relate to. You ROCK keep the pictures of "Mrs Chevron Flex" coming =)I love them and all the cute outfits you can wear now too!

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  45. Loved listening to your interview yesterday. I knew your friendliness and charm had to have Midwestern roots! I'm an Ohioan as well. Hope one day I can achieve what you have. Thanks for constantly being an inspiration. And if you happen to come back to Ohio, I would love you to drag my ass to the gym at 5AM every day!!

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  46. I love your tank! I've recently found your blog and love it! I'm very glad that you've also beat your mind with exercise. It's the greatest feeling I know. :)

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  47. Working out isn't always about looking better, it's about FEELING better!!! This post proves that point. Keep working hard! Keep motivating other women!!! and keep flexing!!! :-)

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  48. I think this is awesome! I love seeing you flex your muscles, and I defiantly see that joy! That joy inspires me!

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  49. Girl, congrats on all your accomplishments! YOU FLEX YOUR HEART OUT - if I had your guns, I'd flex too! There is nothing wrong in being proud of what you have accomplished...and if some people don't get that...well then....they suck. (TWSS)... LOL :)

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  50. great post meg!! i love it, you are allowed to be proud of yourself. make no apologies! :)

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  51. What an awesome and inspiring post. You hit it exactly, it's the feeling of accomplishment and how positive changes, can completely shift your mind from thinking..maybe I can to HELL YES I CAN!! Confidence is a magical thing and you definitely earned your right to post as many pix as you want.

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  52. What a great post and it makes me happy that you are loving life and happy with yourself.

    It has taken me a long time to get to that place, but I can honestly say that I feel a lot better about entering my 40's next year than I did about entering my 30's.

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  53. Love this post! Love you! Love your shirt (I'll be saying that to myself as I workout tonight)! Thanks for sharing you're such an inspiration.

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  54. Love this post! Love you! Love your shirt! You're such an inspiration and your flex pics make me smile, don't stop!

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  55. Meg you are such an inspiration! I absolutely love your positivity and motivation to stay the happiest you. The fact that you take the time to respond to emails from total strangers like myself just to give a little helpful advice shows how great of a person you are. I am definitely going to take you up on the workout offer next time I'm in Dallas :)

    Keep on keepin' on :)

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  56. You are amazing!!! You are such an inspiration! You have helped me more than you will ever know!
    Rock that chevron Skinny Meg!!

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  57. I'm only down 11 lbs so far, but I'm on way to having an incredible journey like you. I understand that sense of accomplishment, cause I'm 40ish!! I <3 reading your posts, and I also think you look great in Chevron!!

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  58. Keep flexing girl! I love your posts, photos and motivation to find yourself. Im on that same journey....and I look to you ladies for support!

    Love from www.fattofitconfessions.blogspot.com

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  59. I loved this!!! Thanks for sharing! You're such a joy and inspiration!!

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  60. Love the crap outta this post.

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  61. Meg, I think your the shizzle in my dizzle! You should be proud. Haters gonna hate and ain't nobody got time 'fo dat!
    When I began blogging last year, I had some difficulty getting started but now it's more like a theraputic release. Check it out.
    http://theruralboulevard.blogspot.com/

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  62. I didn't know you were from Ohio! I actually have a friend that was also moved from Ohio (Chillicothe) to Dallas when he was a teenager - he went to Irving HS. How weird would it be if y'all knew each other?!
    Anyhoo - I think you are amazing!

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  63. THIS is just one of the reasons why I freaking LOVE you!!!

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  64. LOVE your blog, LOVE your story.

    Thanks for the stories and inspiration!

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  65. Your story continues to amaze me! Never stop reaching for greatness! I lost 90 lbs 12 years ago and making that life choice was one of the best decisions I ever made. I always check out your blog to help with the last 15 I would love to lose! Keep posting the inspiration, I LOVE it!

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  66. Love you SKINNY MEG!!!!!!! :-) Whats a girl gotta do to sponsor ya?

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  67. You are AMAZING! So happy I have found your blog. Happy Thursday!

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  68. You are such an inspiration! I love how happy you have made yourself and you prove to me with hard work, it will pay off.

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  69. I completely relate to this post! I have not been happy with myself for quite sometime, and I definetly think it makes me more insecure. After I have this baby I'm getting back at it! Thank you so much for being such a great inspiration!

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  70. Great post! Your such an inspiration!

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  71. I swear everyday when I read your blog I am more and more impressed by you!

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  72. You just gave me so much hope...my boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years and people look at us like we have the plague for not being married! But I feel great about where we're at. People need to stop judging!

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  73. Ah-mazing post. Loved it! Thank you for being so honest and real with your readers. :)

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  74. Your happiness does shine through!!! Thanks for being honest and real. You are a true inspiration!

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  75. I LOVE what you said here, Meg. "If you can't see the joy in my pictures, than you're missing the point." AMEN! I tend to post a lot of selfies, too, but I just want to share with people that despite my circumstances, I am HAPPY and I'm smiling!!!!!

    Just an FYI......I love SEEING your smile pop up in my IG feed. :)

    It is your party...And you should wear chevron if you want to. I think that if your heart desires, you should paint the freakin' world chevron. You deserve it. :)

    xoxoxoxo

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  76. P.S. Where is your thick headband in the last picture from?! I'm dying to hunt one of those down!!!

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  77. it's SO true: when you start blasting through your fitness goals, you get an incredible boost of self-confidence because other than child-birth, weight loss is the next hardest thing to do!

    i also suffer from depression but since i started my journey last year, i haven't had a mood dip.

    congrats on your journey, keep it up!

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  78. You are AMAZING! :) Totes had to start with that, ha ha. Anyway, I want to throw my 2 cents in and say the same thing so many have already said. You are an inspiration. I've been living my life at 300+lbs for quite some time now. But you have helped me decide to get off my ass & get moving. It's taking a whole life change, but I'll do it a step at a time. I'm currently down 6lbs, which isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but it's a start. And I'm getting ready to start the C25K program! I know I CAN do this, and maybe if I lose some of this, my own fertility issues will start to sort themselves out. Maybe I'll even have a baby before I turn 40. Either way, I'll feel better and that's what the main goal is.

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  79. You are AMAZING! :) Totes had to start with that, ha ha. Anyway, I want to throw my 2 cents in and say the same thing so many have already said. You are an inspiration. I've been living my life at 300+lbs for quite some time now. But you have helped me decide to get off my ass & get moving. It's taking a whole life change, but I'll do it a step at a time. I'm currently down 6lbs, which isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but it's a start. And I'm getting ready to start the C25K program! I know I CAN do this, and maybe if I lose some of this, my own fertility issues will start to sort themselves out. Maybe I'll even have a baby before I turn 40. Either way, I'll feel better and that's what the main goal is.

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